Friday, April 28, 2006

Monday night in Chicago. Standing by some river? I'd been in town approximately two hours and I'd already bought a pair of pants and a shirt. My partner in crime - the marketer from Detroit - was delighted to learn I'm gay and love to shop for clothes. Posted by Picasa

The swanky hotel room. Surprisingly, I had a lot of trouble getting a good night's sleep on this bed. The front desk people hand you a glass of wine when you walk in to the hotel! Posted by Picasa

The other side of the room. Posted by Picasa

My walk over to Millennium Park. I'd love to hear a concert there. Posted by Picasa

This crazy thing is sweet. Posted by Picasa

M. from Detroit and I under the crazy thing. Posted by Picasa

Adventures in Babysitting! Posted by Picasa

I was hoping to see Oprah in person, but holding her magazine in a Walgreens was pretty cool. Posted by Picasa


My sister is engaged.
My little sister.
Is getting married.
With the ring and the dress and the church and all that.
It is so strange to me.
Yeah, she's been living with the guy for almost four years and they have a kid, but it's still strange.
My little sister is getting MARRIED.

The word strange starts to lose its meaning after you type it a couple times.
It looks like strang-ey.
Really – just stare at it for a minute.

I was in Chicago most of this week. I love that city.
It's a hell of a town! (Frank Sinatra is my god.)
It really does make Denver look like a podunk mountain shanty-town.
I was actually working my ass off the whole time I was there, so I didn't really have a chance to get out and explore much.
I have to say that there are a lot of really good-looking men there! Damn….
Anyway, I stayed at the Benham Hotel, which is really swanky, and got to eat at a couple nice restaurants. I tried swordfish for the first time. It was awesome. Got to love charging the firm for expensive dinners! And I rode the subway AND I saw the office building from Adventures in Babysitting. The one that Sarah hangs out of.
"Ohhhh Brad…."
I have a picture of it I'll post later.
It really did get my blood pumping to go from a 40-person office like mine to their 170-person office. They have a team of seven marketers there. Each person focuses on a few specific areas of marketing. Comraderie like that is nice.
And it makes everything seem so much more urgent and important.
"Matt, I'm going to need that press release stat! And did you get those quals sent over to Fisher Davis?? They're making that decision about the merger today!!"
That's not actually one of our clients or even something that an architectural marketer would probably even say, but whatev.

I was less than thrilled when I discovered that my firm's office manager had booked me a middle seat (bleh!) on my flight to Chicago between a 92-year old man (seriously) and a chatty Midwest lady with HUGE hooters and a bad perm. I had barely clicked my seatbelt when the old man said, "Hey, look at that – Maddox went 4-0," pointing at the sports page.
I don't have the faintest idea what he could have possibly been talking about, unless for some reason Angelina Jolie's kid was featured in the sports section that day.
The two of them seriously talked my ear off the entire two-hour flight. And if I stopped talking they would just talk to each other over me. It was like some sort of bad dream. I was all scrunched in.
But if you think there's any way I can be rude to a 92-year-old or a sweet Midwestern mom then you really don't understand my personality at all.
But honestly, I don't think he looked a day over 89.

Last night I got out again in Denver. Ended up at JR's. There were scotch hoochies there. They'd come up and give you their little schpiel (how the hell do you spell schpiel?) and then you'd give them your (fake) e-mail address and then they'd load you up with weird and wrong scotch drinks.
Like - an apple scotch martini? Isn't that the most fucked up thing you've ever heard of?
Right now I feel all weird and floaty sitting at my computer. Like my head is floating over my body or something. It must be because of the scotch.
Someone bought me a shot of tequila in exchange for kissing their shy friend. After I kissed him we just stood there awkwardly with nothing to say. But then I saw Paul standing on the stairs and ran over to talk to him to get away from shy guy. It's the first time I've ever talked to him in person. And he's very good-looking and seems very smart and sweet. And he's not afraid to whip out a filthy story. Which makes me like him even more.

Yesterday was "Take Your Kid to Work Day" here.
I think it's pretty funny. I'm sure it's an enriching experience for some kids, but all I saw around here were parents sitting their kids down with a bag of potato chips and a soda to color in their picture books or play computer games all day while they went about their normal activities.
Yep. "Take Your Kid to Work Day" - it's an experience your child will never forget!

Friday, April 21, 2006

got any arkansas?

I get more and more impatient every year. I'm pretty good at suppressing it most of the time, but deep down there's a lot of rage. My grandpa was impatient, my mom is impatient, and I'm crabbily carrying on the family tradition.
Is crabbily even a word?

It'll be a miracle if I haven't been convicted of a homicide by the time I'm 40.

I just wanted to deposit a check, grab some Starbucks, and get my ass back to work as quickly as possible this morning. I've got tons of work to get done today because I'm going to be out of the office M-W next week. And there were only three tellers with open stations.
I was pretty calm for the first five minutes. I realize you have to chill out at banks these days. I used to be a teller and would always make a customer's life hell if I detected even a smidge of impatience or attitude. But then I overheard the "business" of the woman standing at the station in front of me.

She had the kid looking through his change tray for specific state quarters.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


It's really pissing me off that hardly anyone comments on my blog anymore.

C'mon – I'm giving you parties, embarrassing anecdotes, gay sex, urine stories, bitchy attitude…life!

Maybe you're looking for something more political and relevant than sex and drugs and booze and urine?
Shall I take a controversial stance on something?
OK - I don't think Malaysians should be allowed to adopt babies with developmental disabilities.

There. Yep – I said it.

I slave all day over a hot stove to come up with these gems for ya'll…
Geez - at least say hi, hookers!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

mye dreem gui

So I'm cruising around on connexions, just checking out random profiles and I find this HOTTIE who lives out on the east coast. He's fantastically good looking and melts my heart. Then I make the mistake of looking at his written section…

Interests: joung, smooth face,body, smells good, good scence of humor down to earth no drama, camping,hicking, canoing, lots of out door things,.

Want to meet: someone with a head on there shoulder, not just a head in there pants, someone humorous,no fats,no grampas,some fems are ok, some near my resident looking for someone that is 05-100 miles radious, someone that wants something more that just dick. someone that is looking for someone that have their shit together and know what is the next day looks like . ask me and ill tell you..........

I immediately lost all interest.
I guess horrendous English skills are a deal-breaker for me.
And this guy is a mechanical engineer for christ's sake! Which means he did at least GO to school.

Oh - and what really gets me is that the only reason he lists for wanting to meet guys is "Activity Partners." Which means sex. Which blows away his whole "someone that wants something more that [sic] just dick."

Ugh – and this idiot gets blessed with perfect, drop-dead gorgeous looks.

Lyf isso nott fayr,.


I'm having absolutely hot, fantastic, down and dirty sex with someone who couldn't be further from my usual type.
I mean, he's not my type in the slightest.

He's a flight attendant.
He's 40.
He's got a very…unique sense of style. Almost an anti-style.
He has a goatee.
He has a pretty unremarkable body.
He didn't understand the concept of shots.

But it's probably the best sex I've ever had.
At least the best I can remember in a long, long time.

That's one of the things I love about life. One minute you're minding your own business - taking a leak at a trough in a random bear bar – without the potential of mind-blowing sex anywhere on your radar, and the next thing you know you're fucking your brains out like there's no tomorrow.

Life's crazy, man.

B., G. and me. I go way back with these bitches. That's seriously B.'s camera face. In every picture. Posted by Picasa

Best buds. Damn we'd have good-looking babies. Good teeth. Posted by Picasa

Presents! Mine is in the green and blue bag. Bagging it is the new wrapping it. Posted by Picasa

G.'s sister feeding us strawberries. G. looks crabby cuz the strawberries were really cold. Or maybe because I'm forcing her to seductively eat a strawberry from her own sister. Posted by Picasa

I don't know what the fuck? G. looks hot though. I think maybe I was pretending paparazzi were chasing us Lindsey Lohan-style. Posted by Picasa

K. and I being JCPenneys models at G.'s bday party. Unintentionally. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

i love summer

OK – I'm calling it.
Even if it is still April and we could have a surprise snowstorm at any moment, I'm calling it. It's summertime! I'm bringing out the summertime party attitude!
We've had the most beautiful week. Today is a little chilly, but my god - it was gorgeous on Sunday/Monday!
This kind of weather makes it absolutely impossible for me to stay home at night. Especially when it's now still light outside much later. I seem to be going out running around having fun every night of the week. Spending money I should be saving for my upcoming trips.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night I went and sat out on bar patios and drank beer and enjoyed life and friends and the warm evening breeze.

Saturday was a little cloudy with sporadic rain, but you really need at least a few days like that every spring. We could actually use a nice, all-day-long rain shower. Poor Denver is always so dry.
Saturday night was G.'s birthday party. It was fabulous and respectable and lovely. G. and I suspected that was because there weren't 1,500 jello shots this year.
Then I hit Tracks for a bit, but I wasn't really feeling it. Soberness and Tracks don't mix.

Sunday was the best. I rolled out of bed around 10:30 and immediately went to the park to catch some rays in preparation for my vacation. Afterwards I went to G.'s parents' house for a fantastic brunch – we're talking ham, salmon, croissants, French toast, salads, quiches, fruits, veggies, mimosas, cake, and on and on and on.
After all that food and champagne I took an almost two-hour nap and then went to a cute little dinner party in Lakewood. All the straight boys there groaned when they were outnumbered by the gay boys who insisted on turning the channel from Die Hard (bleh) to Desperate Housewives. And I swear the straight boys ended up getting a bigger kick out of the episode than us.
Then I swung by JR's and got groped and kissed and generally manhandled by boys who were overly intoxicated from the beer bust. Hot.

Tonight it's happy hour downtown and then I'm hooking up with my Wrangler buddy. Turns out he's a flight attendant and unfortunately seems to be out of town most of the time, but tonight he's here and we're going to get reacquainted. I'm pretty sure there is no romance involved in this situation in any way, but we have amazing sexual chemistry.

Go summer!

Friday, April 14, 2006

who's a cootsy-wootsy, itty-bitty, lovey-dovey sweetie-boy? you are!

The weather here has turned absolutely gorgeous and that means people are getting out and using the grill!
More specifically, using the grill in the courtyard just outside my living room French doors.

I had a long, psycho, draining day at work yesterday and when I walked into my apartment I was thrilled to finally be home. So I grabbed Ernie and gave him a big hug and kiss and started up some serious baby talk.
I mean, SERIOUS baby talk.
I'm talking high-pitched voice, cutesy talk, incoherent babbling, smoochy kissy sounds…the works. The kind of shit you only do when it's just you and your pet. For at least 30 seconds. And I was being really loud and obnoxious.

Then as I walked into my bedroom and glanced out the open window I saw hot-ass guy who has the two dogs standing a few feet away from my window grilling up some dinner and looking in at me with the strangest and most confused/disgusted look on his face. He clearly saw it was me who had been making that crazy noise.
I panicked, turned bright-red, broke out in a sweat, and almost dropped to my knees to hide behind the bed. But realizing he'd already seen - and obviously, heard - me I had no choice but to pretend I thought I was cooler than shit, quickly (but not TOO quickly) turn on my heels, strut into my bathroom, and slam the door behind me – in a manly way.

I saw him in Commons Park this morning on my way to work and I couldn't even bring myself to look at him.

I'm guessing we won't be hooking up anytime soon.

A cootchie-coo. *ahem*

bu-bye Denver…no – I said BU-BYE!

I love Denver, but it's always nice when I can get the hell away from here.
Sometimes I feel like I'm always doing the same shit over and over and over - all the time.
That's why I'm so excited about all my fun upcoming trips!

At the end of this month I'm jetting off to my firm's Chicago office for a couple of days. You know - a little marketing here, a little computer training there, blah blah. No big deal, but I've never done more than just drive through Chicago with a quick stop to go to the top of the Sears Tower so I think it'll be great to get to hang around downtown or wherever the hell I'll be for a couple days.

And my Bahamas trip is looming right around the corner. Memorial Day weekend to be exact.
That is going to be FUCKING GREAT.
I've never treated myself to a tropical vacation before. And this tropical vacation will be extra-special because my good friend L. is getting married.
I will be drunk!

I'm still working out the details of my late-June/early-July road trip. I'm pretty sure I'm going to drive to Minneapolis first before heading to Aberdeen for my mom's 4th of July barbeque extravaganza. I'm not a big fan of MN/SD in the middle of the summer, but I'll just have to try to restrict my activities to places with good, freezing-cold air conditioning.

And I'm thinking I want to go somewhere fun early in the fall too.
Maybe San Francisco or New York or Las Vegas…


Thursday, April 06, 2006

gay man walkin'

I'm still walking to work.
I guess I'm getting used to it. Meh…
Apparently walking is fairly decent exercise after all because I've been waking up mildly to moderately sore every morning this week. I even felt justified in skipping the gym on Tuesday since I'm a walking bitch now.
Everything is fucking breaking down at the gym anyway. The stairmaster has been out of order since January and now the elliptical is trashed too. We're down to the evil stationary bike and three treadmills. Lame. So, so powerfully lame.

My walks up and down the mall have resulted in a few unexpected gay run-ins.
This morning alone I bumped into three gays.
I saw a shorty who works at a local gay bar who tried to go down on me two Prides ago in G.'s bathroom while G. and another guy that I really wanted to hook up with were standing just outside. I stopped him from going there and ever since he won't talk to me. Whatever. So I got a nasty little glare and head toss from that bitch somewhere around Market Street.

When I hit Welton I saw a guy I slept with last summer. We hooked up the week before he was going back to New Zealand. He just moved back to Denver last month and he's working downtown now. Nice guy. Fantastic lips.

And then one block later I saw the gay brother from last January. The one who bit and sucked and chewed the hell out of me right before picture day at work. He's one of those guys that cleans up REALLY well for work. Great hair.

By that point I started to feel a little slutty but then I thought, what about the hundred or so people I passed on my walk that I haven't had a sexual encounter with?


I mean, when you think of it that way, I'm practically a virgin.

Monday, April 03, 2006

monday morning

Thanks RTD. Thanks a lot. I'm loving the strike. It's fabulous!
No – I really enjoyed walking to work this morning. Over a half hour to make my way up the entire 16th St. Mall - at 7:30 a.m.! Oh yeah. That's exactly what I was in the mood for on a Monday morning.
Christ – I hate walking from my bed to the shower in the morning, let alone all the way up the goddamn fucking Mall.
And the worst part about it was that a coworker mentioned that this might happen on Friday, and of course I promptly forgot all about her warning. That is, until I randomly heard Anne Curry mention it on the Today show while I was getting ready.
All those RTD workers striking up and down the Mall really do fit in perfectly, though, because most of them look like homeless bums anyway. Jesus H. – ever heard of a razor and a bar of soap?
And that's just the women. OH!
And to the douchebag who almost ran me down on Market Street – thanks for that scowl and WTF? frustrated gesture you gave me when it was you that almost ran a totally red light but somehow managed to come to a stop right on top of the crosswalk. Thanks so much. I really do appreciate your efforts to stop at red lights once in a while so that I might continue to live and perhaps even have the use of my legs too.

Stupid strike.