Friday, June 23, 2006


I started my Pride celebration last night. Crazy JR's/tequila/cheap beer fest.
You know, everyone claims that once you turn 30 you can't quite party the way you used to. I haven't necessarily found that to be true.
I have found, however, that I don't like feeling useless the next day at work anymore. I mean, I'm tired, a little cranky, everything is a little blurry and confusing – but I don't have a headache or feel sick or anything. I just can't get motivated to do anything. That "day-after" feeling is just the same as it was when I was 22, but these days I feel like I have too many responsibilities and get paid too much to act like a sloth at work. So I guess THAT'S how I've changed.
Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to be keeping me home on Thursday nights.

I was bummed at seeing my ex last night. We get along really well and are still friends, but apparently now he's disgustingly in love with someone.
I am so fucking evil. I don't even feel happy for him – I just feel all grossed out and bitter. I can't imagine ever being in a serious, long-term relationship with someone and then having a really terrible break-up - be it divorce or whatever. I think I now understand why you are more likely to be murdered by someone you know. My ex said to me last night, "Why do you keep running away from us?" referring to him and his "committed life partner" or whatever, and then he proceeded to suck on his face two seconds later a foot away from my face. Then I ran away.

I hope I get some action this weekend, but for the past three years I've always hooked up on Saturday night, which is fun, but then you get maybe two hours of sleep and then have to seriously motivate yourself to spend the whole day frying in the park. Three years ago my buddy J. and I got wasted at the Wave (??? – gay boys actually used to go there???) and then drunkenly pigged-out at a 7-11 and then went back to his place and had wild crazy sex. And we're still good friends. In fact, I'm meeting him for lunch today.
Two years ago I was at JR's with G. and saw this cute guy standing at the bar by himself. I went up, introduced myself, and we went back to his place. The pros of that night: he had a SUPER CUTE dog – a Boston terrier I think - and a lot of good booze. The cons of that night: he got wasted and was super lazy in bed and then snored louder than anyone I've ever heard in my life except for my uncle, whose snores have registered at the same decibel level as a locomotive. I don't think I slept a wink that night. It was INSANE.
Last year I had a boyfriend. That was the best of all. I wasn't desperate and weird and wasted and wildly looking for ass. I was happy and content. I had someone to spend the whole weekend with. From morning until night.
I miss that.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

thank you for your support

Hey there loyal readers.
I just wanted to post a quick message to say I haven't had time to sit down and write much lately. Obviously.
Also, my "Hello" (image posting program) somehow got completely fucked up, and I haven't been able to post images since the moth extravaganza.
But I actually have had some interesting things going on in my life, and the next couple of weeks should be extra-rad, so stay tuned.
Also, we have a bunch of firm Principals in our Denver office from all over the world right now, and every single one of them is obsessed with immediately hooking up their laptop and sucking up all of our internet power, so I'm not even sure if I'll be able to successfully post this.
On the bright side, one of the Principals is from London and he's super cute and his accent makes me giddy. Damn - there's nothing sexier than a British accent.
And he's sitting right next to me!
Excuse me, I must go flirt with him now…

Sunday, June 18, 2006

this is the true story...

Even though it seems like everyone is talking about it, I really hadn't been pulled into the tizzy of The Real World coming to Denver. Yeah, I think it's good publicity for the city and all – if you call a bunch of good-looking people getting wasted and having ridiculous fights and sitting in hot tubs and slutting it up good publicity, that is – but I'd rather play it cool and pretend like I could care less.
You know – cuz I'm too cool for school??
But I was walking home up the 16th St. Mall on Friday afternoon around 5:30, and when I was crossing the street at 16th & Lawrence I suddenly noticed two cameras coming my way. They were following a very good-looking blond guy and some brown-haired mousy girl I paid about a nanosecond of attention to. I think it was the gay guy who's supposedly going to work at JR's. I smiled at him and he smiled at me.
And that's it.
That's my brush with Real World fame.
And it was way more exciting than I thought it would be! I am no longer too cool for school.

So I immediately texted my friend in Kansas City to tell him the news:
Me: I just saw the crew from The Real World following the gay boy! He was so hot!
T: I know this boy!
Me: What?
T: Yeah – my friend in Denver met him.
Me: Wow – really? I really want to see the house where they're living!
T: Supposed to party with him when I'm in Denver next weekend – at some after party at a church.

Hmmm – so T. is coming to Denver on Pride weekend and is tentatively planning on partying with the hot gay Real World guy.
Granted, at the Church – bleh – but whatev. Could be interesting…

Thursday, June 15, 2006

i love my mom

My mom is so cute. But she just doesn't quite get me or my Simpsons-heavy sense of humor. We're currently having an awesome e-mail exchange.
BTW - I'm totally goofy right now from too many tequila shots at Lime last night and the fact that it's my bonus day today. I'm rich! Rich as an astronaut!!!

She sent me an e-mail with a link that's supposed to show me something. But it doesn't. At least as far as I can tell. So I wrote her back.

Me: I have no idea what I'm supposed to see in this e-mail...

Mom: Must be that tequila - click on the link, wait for a second and then
enter your birthdate. With bloodstone's e-mail, you have to click on
the attachment several times in a row.

Me: bloodstone?? Gross!

Mom: I guess I don't know what you mean.

Me: Who put what in the where now??

Mom: I don't remember seeing anything like that.

Me: My cat's breath smells like cat food...

Oh, and my sister was also cc'd on this whole exchange. Her response?

Sis: Ok Ralph.


I haven't gotten a response to my last e-mail.
Mom must be sick of my shenanigans.
Ha - it only took 30 years!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

moth-watch 2006

Everything is cool.
A woman in the next pod came over and killed the moth with a broom.


moths! moths! moths!

How in the world does a moth get into a high-rise office building in downtown Denver, somehow get on the elevator, exit on my floor, make its way through the elevator lobby and reception area and over to my desk, and fly by me - actually BRUSHING MY FACE - giving me a mild stroke while I'm innocently spacing out while on a marketing conference call?

I actually gasped a little and let out a little-girl squeal, at which point the moderator of the call laughed and said, "What was that? Is everyone OK?"

Now the damn thing is sitting right beside my phone, just biding its time before it swoops in again either to finish me off or send me shrieking out into the streets of downtown Denver.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I have an irrational fear of moths. They're so scary and hideously ugly!

Can anyone see that little black spot on the right side of my phone?? Posted by Picasa

See what I'm talking about? Posted by Picasa

Little bastard! Posted by Picasa

Monday, June 05, 2006

random, but not deep, thoughts

I have been in such a strange state of mind for the past week. I'm sure part of it is due to trying to get back into a normal routine after a vacation, but OMG – my manic-depressiveness was totally out of control all weekend.
Friday night I forced myself to go out even though I felt all weird and scrunchy and depressed. And I really didn't have a good time at all. I ended up going home at 12:15, which is unheard of. Someone tried to buy me a beer and I said, "No thank you. May I please have a bottle of water?"
Then on Saturday night I was manic. I couldn't even sustain a five-minute conversation with my friends before I was compelled to run off to find some other source of entertainment. And then the Tanqueray hoochies showed up. Which was bad news because they were handing out free gin & tonics, which made me even crazier. And THEN at some point my horniness jumped from about a 6.5 to a 10. And I basically threw myself at a friend of a friend whom I've never been particularly interested in before. And although I did get to make out a little bit, he wouldn't take me home. He said he wanted to take me on a date first. Which was endlessly frustrating while I was hopped up on gin and testosterone and frustrating general horniness. Plus I don't want to date him.
I am SO stuck in a dry spell right now. Arrggghh!

I don't know if there's some sort of bullshit going on with blogger at the moment, or something's messed up with my firm's internet service, or maybe a combination of both, but everything is so pissy-slow and frustrating right now. It was quite the exercise in patience on my part on Friday to attempt to post an entry. It wouldn't work, wouldn't work, wouldn't work, and then the entry got posted three times, and then I couldn't get the extraneous copies deleted. And today it's STILL bullshit. Whatev blogger. WHATEV!

I'm so excited it's June. Best month of the year. We've got some great weather, my birthday, Pride, a trip to Mpls/S.D., bonus day at work on the 15th, etc. So that means money, presents, drinks, friends, family, and gays as far as the eye can see.
Nothin' wrong with all that!

Ahhh – I think my coffee finally kicked in. OK – better get some work done!

Friday, June 02, 2006

24 things I learned in the bahamas

1. If you travel with a group of people, of whom 95% are couples, you are going to suffer intense feelings of boyfriend-envy.
So much so, you may spend time pretending some of the straight women are your girlfriends just so you can hold hands and get kisses from someone.
Or sitting stoned on a beach late at night looking up at the stars wondering why you're so fucked-up and alone when everyone else around you seems perfectly able to sustain successful, long-term relationships.

2. It's hard to hook up if you're gay. Well, at least it was for me. Everyone down there seemed straight. So – no action for me.
I guess it's OK though. I was so drunk most of the time it probably wouldn't have been one of the most dazzling experiences of my life. Or the other guy's, for that matter.

3. Take twice as much sunscreen as you think you'll need.

4. Take your Nalgene water bottle. Everyone ended up being jealous that I had mine, especially when we got to the airport at 11:00 at night and all the shops that sell water were closed. Plus, when you get to the Bahamas, you can fill it up with 32 oz. of margarita fun!

5. Speaking of booze – buy your own hard alcohol. Drinks at the bar or on the beach are really expensive. So is beer at the liquor store. But hard alcohol is surprisingly cheap. I bought a huge bottle of tequila, a couple bottles of margarita mix, and a bottle of cheap champagne for about $45. And you can carry your drinks around with you everywhere you go – even into bars and casinos – thus saving a shitload of money!

6. Do NOT trust the resort's wake-up call system. I almost missed our Friday morning snorkeling trip because the call never came. And other people in our group had the same thing happen on other mornings.

7. Be concerned about being in fairly good shape for your vacation, but don't get all obsesso about it. There are so many nasty people down there that no one will even notice your cute little beer-gut (or at least that's what I kept telling myself).

8. Even if you've quit smoking (besides an occasional drunken cig or two at the bar on the weekends) there's a very strong chance you'll break down and grab a couple packs at the liquor store. After all, you're on vacation and that entitles you to damage your body as much as possible. Right?

9. I am totally intimidated by the big, sweaty, black Bahaman women in the marketplace selling their wares. They're all, "Hey babycakes! Why don't you bring that gorgeous ass over here and check out what I got? C'mon. Don't be shy! What can I find for you? HEY – come here sexy!" (imagine in a thick Bahaman accent)
And I'm all, "Tee hee. Me?? No, I couldn't possibly..."

10. A beachside white party in the Bahamas is about the swankiest event you can attend. I felt like I was in a Ralph Lauren ad or something.

11. Most of the customer service folks down there – excluding bar staff – are some of the grouchiest, most sullen people I've ever had wait on me. I suppose they get really sick of drunken tourists…but hey, they're the ones who made the decision to work at the liquor store or the Subway or the overpriced, understocked drug store - so suck it up crabbypants!

12. Even if you totally hate rum, you'll all of a sudden be in love with it if it's served on a boat in a plastic bucket at high noon and they've just run out of beer at the boat bar.

13. I love snorkeling. Although breathing through the tube made me feel quite claustrophobic at first. And that water is CRAZY salty!
Oh – and I saw a fish poop! It pooped A LOT and it looked like squash. Pretty appetizing to think about when you get ocean water in your mouth, right?

14. My friends are big, huge, brave, awesome drunken gamblers.

15. I am a god of the slot machines but am too scared/conservative to try the blackjack and roulette tables.

16. I've never sweat that much in a five-day period and really not given a shit how disgusting I was.

17. I am intensely freaked out by those little lizard things running around all over down there. Eeek! Especially when I'm wearing flip-flops the whole time and there's a chance they could scurry over my toes and give them a little bite.

18. Avoid the main public beaches and have a local take you to a private beach – like Gold Rock beach. That was where they filmed the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, and it was the most beautiful place I've ever been in my life. It felt like a wonderful dream. I had taken a small dose of mushrooms and smoked some grass…so perhaps that had something to do with it. But it would have still been righteous even if one were dead sober. We saw stingrays and sharks!

19. It is possible to get stage fright even when you're neck-deep in the ocean. Pretty appetizing to think about when you get ocean water in your mouth, right?

20. If you drink four beers, a bucket of rum, and a Nalgene bottle of margaritas by 3:00 in the afternoon you'll probably jump into the resort pool with your wallet in your pocket and not even realize it until a couple hours later. Probably.

21. It is absolutely possible to go two full days eating only a banana, a package of airline crackers, two mozzarella sticks, and about half a six-inch sub and still not feel hungry at all.
As long as you're drinking the entire time, that is.

22. Nothing will facilitate super-bonding with a group of virtual strangers quicker than a Bahaman vacation.

23. You'll be finding sand everywhere you turn for days after you get back.

24. You'll fall into a deep and immediate depression about two minutes after you get home and walk through your front door and realize it's all over.
But at least you have your buddy Ernie waiting there, and he missed the hell out of you.

**lots and lots of pictures coming soon…**