Friday, December 29, 2006

when r u going to stick it?

There is a certain someone I've mentioned before in this blog. I obviously don't want to write his name, since I don't even put the names of my dearest friends on here, so let's just call him…Satan.

The first couple of years I lived in Denver were not exactly the easiest years for me. I was in a strange new city with very few close friends, I was just about as poor as I could be and still be alive, my life and all my free time were consumed with graduate school and teaching and working as a coffee monkey, and for the first two years I lived in shitholes.
I could never do that again.
But at the time I didn't really know how challenging my life was. I was just coming out and it was exciting. Every time I went to a gay bar or talked to one of my two gay friends about things I was going through I felt like I was embarking on a new and exciting adventure. Embarking on my life.
But I was also terribly naïve. I didn’t comprehend how evil some gay boys can be. Evil just for the sake of being evil.

I met Satan one night at Charlie's my third year in Denver. It was at the point in my life where I was comfortable going to gay bars to hook up, but it was rare that I would actually know anybody or talk to anybody. He hit on me and we went over to the Wrangler and were making out within about ten seconds. I went back to his place, and we had the most amazing physical chemistry. He was one of the best looking and sexy guys I had ever hooked up with.

In the following months and years he proceeded to systematically treat me like a piece of dog shit. I was so stupid. Some nights he would talk to me, some nights he would ignore me, some nights he would insult me, some nights he would grab me by my package. He would tell me to meet him at his place after bar-close and then would just leave me sitting alone on his front steps chain-smoking Camel Light after Camel Light until I gave up and went home. He would dirty dance with me at the club, get me totally turned on, and then leave the club without telling me as soon as I went to the bathroom or to get another drink. He would ask me to meet him at the bar the day after we had hooked up and then show up holding hands with another guy.
I still have never figured out why he picked me to torture or why all the random cruelness was necessary, but once I had him out of my system I never looked back.
Well, not much.
Becoming friends with G. right around that same time helped a lot because she was the only other person other than me who understood how truly evil and black his soul was. And she would slap some fucking sense into me if my eyes so much as happened to meet his.

Of course I still see him out from time to time, but he gets no more than a head nod from me. I'm not going to scratch his eyes out or anything, but if anyone is looking for a late Christmas present for me that would be a lovely thought.
A couple weekends ago I met some buds at Broadway's for drinks and saw him there. I even stopped by his table and actually said "hi" to the son of a bitch. He asked me for my number. And instead of scratching his eyes out or throwing a drink in his face or doing something LOGICAL, I gave him my goddamn number. I am seriously so stupid it's not even funny.

Then he sent me a text message the night the first blizzard started:

Satan: Get over here
Me: *something about there being a major blizzard outside*
Satan: Im worth it trust
Me: *I have no idea*
Satan: Cause u know u want some booty
Me: *I have no idea*
Satan: K lets get together unless u have someone
Me: *I have no idea*
Satan: I have, ur scared lol i still love love u
Me: *something about not being able to get around in the blizzard*
Satan: Ur suv ? dont u live in Denver? U hot man

By that point I was in bed, asleep.

The messages I sent him are no longer in my cell phone, and I was totally drunk and stoned that night, so I can't remember exactly what my responses to his messages were.

And then just about an hour ago:
Satan: When r u going to stick it?

Does he seriously think he's being cute or clever or sexy?
When r u going to stick it???
Jesus. It sounds like a bad Prince song or something.

Years have passed since we slept together. I'm way better in bed, I'm way better looking, and I'm WAY more confident and aware of the rules.
And way more humble, obviously.

So I know – forget about it, right? I know he's not worth a moment of my time. And he's definitely not worth an entry on my blog.
But I am thinking about it. Fucking him one more time on my terms and then never speaking to him again. Or maybe fucking him and then saying something completely insulting to him. Or fucking him and then spreading a nasty, vicious rumor about him. Something – anything – to put a concrete end to that ridiculous chapter in my life.

Plus…he is fucking hot.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

i'm lonely and i stink

The blizzard has officially shut down most of Denver. I think there are about five people left in my office – everyone else has already left. This is truly a day not fit for man nor beast nor architect. The only people who choose to stay at work during a blizzard are those who are way too crazy busy to concern themselves with getting home alive, those who are so lame that a free afternoon means nothing to them so they might as well just stay at work and let the clock run down on their pathetic lives, or those like me who have only about 2.45 hours of Paid Time Off saved up and can't afford to leave early.

I had to reschedule my flight. There was no way I was getting out of here tomorrow morning. Luckily, United had one seat left on the flight to Aberdeen on Saturday morning, and they were also able to move my return date from Tuesday to Thursday. After I threw a little cash at the problem, that is. So all's well that ends well, I guess.

Except that I was standing in my shower for about two minutes this morning waiting for the hot water to come, and I waited…and waited…and waited – and then it got even colder. I screamed "FUCK" so loudly that Ernie ran and hid under the bed.
You see, I cannot begin a workday without a long, hot shower. Just don't fuck with my motherfucking shower motherfucker. So I stared at myself disbelievingly in the mirror for a minute or so, and then finally accepted that it just wasn't going to happen.

I really only have three major pet peeves in this world: hair in my food; no hot shower in the morning; and dumb but hot straight men who strut around as if they're god's gift.

It really sucks because my brain was prepared to check out for a week as of 5:00 today, and now I'm stuck here for the rest of the week. And what am I supposed to do tonight with a blizzard going on? I can't go have my xmas present exchange/dinner with G. I can't go grab a frosty brew at JR's with the boys. I can't even invite a super cute boy to brave the elements to spend some cozy cuddly time with me because I stink. Unless anyone out there happens to be into that…heh heh.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

this ain't got nothin' to do with jebus

I have nothing funny to write about. I have nothing bittersweet to write about. I have nothing heartbreaking to write about.
Man…I'm totally dry.
Scraping the bottom of the barrel.
There's got to be something interesting to say about my life…

OK – I'm going to try to focus and come up with a holiday post, even if it does turn out a bit random and pointless:

First up, my health: I bitch a lot when I'm sick, but that's because I'm a man and also a bit of a mama's boy. And, I also honestly have been sick since the beginning of October. First I had a huge, nasty cold, then the stomach flu, and then Thanksgiving week I caught another cold. Except this one didn't go away on its own. Finally last Friday I dragged myself to the doctor and was diagnosed with a sinus infection. I've never had a sinus infection before - at least not that I know of. So the doc hooked me up with Azithromycin and Duratuss and I’m feeling like a brand-new man. Snot-free! Yeah! Suck it sinus infection!

Xmas shopping: I was pretty much broke and down to my last couple of dollars until I received my bonus last Friday. As soon as it was in the old bank account I started spending as if there's no tomorrow. Saturday was supposed to be all about xmas shopping for my family, and by the end of the day I had spent about $80 on them and $400 on me. I'm telling you, though, I have got some sick new shoes and shirts and even some hot new porn. It just doesn't get much better than that.

Travel plans: I fly back to Aberdeen on Thursday morning. And of course the weather is supposed to turn to shit here tonight through Thursday afternoon, and there are also supposedly going to be ice storms in South Dakota.
I'm flying in one of those little La Bamba airplanes.
Pray for Mojo.

Boys: Halloween boy is long gone. He was way too earnest and silly and would too often respond to things I said with a resounding "YAY!"
I'm sorry, but I don't think so.
As of right now, honestly, my feelings are torn between two people. One is a guy I just met two weekends ago. We talked all Friday night at JR's, and then I took him home. I haven't seen him in person since then, but we talk on the phone a lot.
Pluses: He's an art teacher currently attending grad school.
Minuses: He's a POOR art teacher currently attending grad school who is temporarily living with his parents.
The other guy is a really good friend who I can't seem to completely resolve my feelings for. Every month that goes by I seem to feel more confused.
I mean, he's my friend.
But we did hook up twice earlier this year.
But he's my FRIEND.
I invited him to go to the Colorado Symphony with me and he invited me to go to an Avalanche game with him. I introduced him to all my friends and he introduced me to all his friends.
I don't know – I think if we're going to stay tight as friends we need to stay away from any and all sexual situations from now on. Even though the guy gives head like gangbusters.
And, after all, I need good friends way more than I need pissy, lame ex-boyfriends.

T.V.: Right now I'm into Season Two of Gilmore Girls and Season One of Grey's Anatomy. They're both so goddamn cozy I can't stand it.

Social activities: Busy, busy, busy. 'Tis the season. I've been to a lot of holiday parties and such. Last weekend I had two on Saturday night. Tonight I'm having sushi with my three best gay buds – one of which I mentioned above. Tomorrow night I'm having dinner and exchanging presents with G.
I always feel like I've got to get as much socializing and partying done as possible before heading to S.D.
As if there is a vacuum of fun there. Which isn't true. It's just a different type of fun. Sober, wholesome family fun.