what in the hell is the deal with matt???

That seems like a valid question to lead off this post.
Well, I decided about a month ago to end the blog.
I had multiple reasons for my decision, but was having trouble writing the final entry and just letting go.
Since the last time I posted until about twenty minutes ago I've had absolutely no desire at all to write or post. None.

I will say that life has felt pretty tough and gnarly almost all of October. There's not one overall reason I can point to, although going to a family member's funeral doesn't exactly tend to brighten up your month. I think a hyperawareness of death has caused me to want to retreat into my own private world, while at the same time my social schedule has been very full the past few weeks so I've had to suck it up and get my antisocial ass out there in the world.
Also, the cold I caught almost a month ago has really hung in there in my chest. I still sometimes have gravelly, sexy sick-man voice. And lots of nasty morning phlegm. *HACK*

But!
Since about a week and a half ago I've felt better than I've felt in a LONG time. Again, no one overall reason, but it's a big relief. So…here are some random updates:

Halloween has been awesome. Two Fridays ago I went to a haunted house and got fucking freaked out. I am no good with haunted houses. Even mildly cheesy ones.
Last week my office decorated Halloween cookies for Project Angel Heart. I think I'm going to start volunteering for them on a more regular basis.
Last Thursday I went to a pumpkin carving party, where L. and I collaborated on the craziest goddamn pumpkin you've ever seen. And yet somehow we won second place! She's also a marketer so we attributed our win to our ability to market anything – even a sketchy, crazy-ass pumpkin.
And then on Saturday I went to a big gay Halloween party. I was Will Ferrell from the "More Cowbell" SNL sketch. I looked hot.
I'm not sure what tonight holds. I'm meeting some folks at Steubens for a drink, then maybe hitting the Uptown Tavern. But I'm not getting dressed up in my costume again. That moment has come and gone.

La Salsa on 17th & Stout closed without warning. I'm really not prepared to live my life without the possibility of La Salsa for lunch at least three times a week. I know there is at least one more La Salsa somewhere out there in the Denver-metro area, but that really doesn't do me a whole lot of good.

I've just started spending time with someone who I think I could potentially like a whole lot. He falls into my usual pattern of dating guys way younger than me, but he seems really mature and put together and…well, I'm not going to get ahead of myself here.
He invited me to his place on Saturday night after the bar had closed, and the poor guy had had WAY too much to drink. So he started puking about every five minutes. I eventually got him quieted down and tucked into bed and went home alone at around 4 a.m. Still, I find it quite encouraging that I viewed the whole situation in a very light-hearted, caretaking kind of way instead of being totally annoyed and disgusted by it.

I had another strange situation occur with a guy I just met a couple weeks ago. We were introduced at a party, and he just kept staring at me. It took me about two minutes to figure out he totally has a crush on me. And he seems really nice, but here's the thing: his face looks EXACTLY like my cousin's wife's face. They're identical. And that is just too fucking weird.

Daylight savings is bullshit.

I'm going to early voting tomorrow. I've never voted outside of a presidential election before, but there are a couple issues on the ballot that could seriously affect my life as a gay man. Even if it seems extremely unlikely at this point in my life, there is a chance that I'll be in a domestic partnership someday.

up and down and up and down

Up: Having sex with the hot neighbor two Saturdays ago.

Down: Finding out he came down with a cold on Sunday. By Thursday afternoon coming down with it myself.

Up: Hitting the road to S.D. on Friday. Four-day weekend baby!!!

Down: Driving across Nebraska.

Up: Listening to the new Scissor Sisters and Justin Timberlake CDs about five times each. Favorites: "Paul McCartney," "The Other Side" and "LoveStoned."

Down: Kicking off five consecutive nights of getting approximately two hours of sleep per night on Friday night.

Up: Going to the college homecoming parade with my niece on Saturday morning. She likes to get her groove on when the marching bands go by.

Down: Mixing an unwise amount of DayQuil and margs on Saturday afternoon/evening and ending up an unresponsive lump on the couch watching hours and hours of The History of Drugs on the History Channel. Love that shit. People were fucked up back in the day.

Up: Waking up to the most beautiful fall day ever on Sunday.

Down: Spending the day with my grandpa in the nursing home, seeing how badly he had deteriorated since I'd been home in July.

Up: Having my niece bring a ray of sunshine into my grandpa's room when she arrived. Having her tell me I'm her best friend (cut to my extremely jealous mom). I AM really entertaining to be around. Well, at least if you're four.

Down: The drive back on Monday. Eleven of the most excruciating hours of my life. First time I've ever pulled off the road to try to sleep. I couldn't.

Up: Getting home alive!

Down: Finding out on Tuesday morning that my grandpa had died during the night.

Up: My parents offering to pay for me to fly directly into Aberdeen for the funeral. And that wasn't cheap.

Down: A disappointing Creative Marketing Seminar at the Adams Mark on Tuesday. Totally for sales-type marketers. And the coffee was terrible.

Up: Getting to hang with L. at the seminar all day. Mocking the fugly attendees and the overly-perky/non-politically correct presenters, having lunch with wine at Maggiano's, and skipping the pointless final session to drink beers and play darts at the Supreme Court.

Down: Having to come back to the office after the beers because I'm so far behind on work.

Up: Finally getting back to the gym yesterday and sweating out all the sickness, stress, DayQuil residue, etc.

Down: Having to choose between the Project Runway reunion show and the season premiere of Lost. Lost won.

Up: The hot neighbor coming over at 10:00 with Mike's Cranberry Lemonades (??) and his hot, hot body.

Draw: Another night of far too little sleep…but I didn't once think about work or funerals or the fact that I wasn't sleeping!