Thursday, August 24, 2006

downtown landmines

Watch out if you happen to be walking around downtown Denver this afternoon my friends.

For starters, the D.A.R.E. table is out on the Mall. I had assumed that D.A.R.E. had gone the way of Hypercolor t-shirts and Saved By the Bell except for those super cool people who still wear the t-shirt in an ironic way that had its day back in the 90's, but I was oh-so-wrong. And let me tell you – the D.A.R.E. of 2006 is aggressive. These days D.A.R.E. screams at you to come over to their sad little table. I managed to completely avoid them today on my lunch break, but a few weeks ago I wasn't so lucky when I was walking home and came upon them stationed outside Office Depot.

D.A.R.E. Girl: Hey – come over here!

(I turn up my iPod)

D.A.R.E. Girl: HELLO – sir! Do you have a moment to stop by our table?

Me: No, I couldn't possibly. I actually like to do drugs.

D.A.R.E. Girl: Ha - that's OK! Come on over!

Me: No, seriously, I try to get kids hooked on drugs.

D.A.R.E. Girl: Oh you! Come here silly!!!

OK – I actually didn't say that I get kids hooked on drugs, but I did say the first part and it didn't faze her a bit. Not one bit. Crazy anti-drug bitch.

Today there are also crazed packs of teenagers with wicked-looking forms randomly stopping people on the Mall for god-knows-what reason. I was avoiding the packs like live landmines. I saw one guy trapped in the middle of the Mall curled up on a chair with a dazed look on his face surrounded by five kids. Poor bastard. He never had a chance.
Two girls snagged me in front of Republic Plaza. I pretended to be a busy business executive (hey – its' not a total stretch of the imagination) – I furrowed my brow intensely, glanced at my watch, and barked out "I'm on my way to an important business meeting!"

Heh heh. Burly.


Blogger Big Daddy said...

'D.A.R.E. - Drugs Are Really Expensive'

I have seen people with petitions on my way home, but the deadline passed, so maybe it's a poll?

12:48 PM  
Blogger hot babe said...

I like to see DARE being more aggressive. Maybe it could have saved even you if it had been this aggressive back in the day.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Actions and Consequences said...

can you get me one of their tshirts? We never had D.A.R.E.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Taylor said...

anytime anyone tries to stop me in this town, i just blow right by them, ipod on or not. they always want your money, time, or both. trust me, if i needed/wanted what you were hawking, i'd seek it out on my own ...

12:59 PM  
Blogger Kiddo78 said...

We didn't have DARE in my school. We had something called CounterACT...all I remember is that, at 12, I thought the teen telling how he became a raging alcolholic was cute and he had awesome hair. No wonder I turned in to a lush....such role models.

8:24 PM  

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