Wednesday, October 12, 2005

tequila sunrise

Oh boy – I went out last night and drank too much AND smoked. So, so bad. And so unnecessary when I really should be staying home on Tuesday night and watching The Amazing Race and having a lovely cup of tea and getting to bed early.
Still, you only live once, I guess. Well, probably not for too long if you spend it drinking and smoking. *hack*

Arf – I still felt drunk when I got up this morning.

But B. is only in town for a few more days so I'm soaking up as much of his crazy behavior as possible before he leaves. He wanted to go to poker night at a local gay club last night. I don't really understand the whole poker thing, so I just sat at the bar and drank tequila shots and Heinekens while he played.
After he got eliminated from the game we decided to check out the strip club, but when we got there, there was just one sad-looking old man sitting at the bar who shouted at us as we peeked around the doorway, "COME ON IN BOYS – THE STRIPPERS START IN AN HOUR! HEH HEH HEH…" We immediately turned around and ran away. Then we tried the Compound, which was N-A-S-T-Y. We ordered tap beers and our glasses were not clean. I gagged at the thought of trying to take a drink out of that filthy glass.
So we abandoned our drinks and went to the porn store next door. That was awesome. I love porn stores. I cannot believe the price of porn DVDs these days. $60-$100! They cannot be that good. I also couldn't believe the size of some of those penis-shaped dildos. Those have got to be decorative. They were HUGE! We were all drunk and giggling at everything like a couple of junior high kids. I love that giddy feeling.
And ball-gag masks are freaky. I'm sorry if you're a fan, but if someone I was sleeping with ever pulled one of those out I would run as fast as I could (and probably place an anonymous call to the cops, just to be safe). *shiver* Gives me the heebie-jeebies just looking at one.
Anyway, then we went to J.R.'s and cleaned up on free Bud Lights. This Bud Light chick was just handing 'em out right and left. There's also some new kind of Bud product that has ginseng or something in it. Kind of an energy-beer. I guess it didn't taste too bad, but it definitely didn't taste like beer. It was funny to see all the drunk gay boys running around trying to carry three beers each just because they were free. Drunk gay boys. Gotta' love them.

The boy finally called last night and I let him go into voicemail. He said on the message that he was sick all weekend and was just starting to feel better. I wasn't going to call back, but after my second shot at the poker bar I changed my mind. I had thought through exactly what I was going to say – I was going to be cool, noncommittal, breezy, friendly yet dignified (given the circumstances).
And then the second his voicemail kicked in B. came up behind me and started talking to me, poking me in the back, trying to get me to buy him a Bud Light and bring it over the poker table, causing my message to turn out like this:
"Hey ---, it's Matt. I'm just returning your –
*yeah, yeah, B. I'll get you a Bud Light in a second. Chill!*
Um, yeah, anyway, sorry, just returning your call from earlier –
*OK B., I heard you the first time!*, your message about last weekend -
*B. I'm trying to leave someone a voicemail! Fuck off!*
Sorry again about that. I'm at poker night and B. is bugging me. I got your message and I –
*What?? You'll get it yourself? Fine – now leave me the hell alone!*
Anyway, I hope you're feeling better. K. and I were talking about you on Saturday night. You really should give me a call back. Um, bye."

Horrible. Horrible message. Argh. Just terrible. And the tone in my voice in that last sentence unintentionally came off sounding very scolding and foreboding. Why oh why did I think I could actually leave a successful voicemail? Everyone knows maybe only one in five voicemails are actually good and come off sounding the way you want them to. This whole situation has now been completely fucked. At this rate I'm never going to have sex, let alone a boyfriend, again.

But…the sunshine is back today in Denver and it's a brand new day!

Ugh – that made me sick.
I'm sorry - I was just trying to end this post sounding all optimistic and happy and shit.
I'm never drinking tequila again.


Blogger Matt S. said...

I feel your pain with the leaving voicemails, I need to just hid my phone from myself after say about 9 pm or beer number 3, which ever comes first. (sadly it is the beer number 3 that comes first often times).

I too love sex shops, except I have too traumatized to go back since college when the creepy old worker with no teeth chased me around with a vibrating tongue, then stuck said tongue in my pants. *shivers* that was creepy!

4:36 PM  
Blogger denverco said...

Oh my god - I would have needed counseling after that!

Still, it's a big world full of other sex shops - you'll learn to love again....

5:41 PM  
Blogger Kiddo78 said...

I hate the after-taste of tequila the next day. But not enough to give it up...

6:03 PM  
Blogger Sven said...

the Bud product you speak of is called...

Bud E

and it's not meant to drink straight (heheheehe) from the can. It's supposed to be treated like Red Bull (as a mixer).


I would have walked into the strip joint and bought the old man a beer....

3:44 PM  
Blogger Matt S. said...

Sven my friend, Matt is actually correct here, the Bud product he speaks of is called:
B 2 the E (I kid you not they must have had some really bad promo execs for this product)

It is ok to mix with other liquor or drink straight, it is an alcohol enfused energy drink.

4:22 PM  

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