Wednesday, March 01, 2006

oh those crazy boys!

The past week has been a big huge bust when it comes to men. I've ended up being quite disappointed in almost everyone, although I'm not sure exactly why I even get my hopes up at all anymore.

First I stopped by JR's on Friday night and everyone I knew was TANKED. Actually, they're probably all usually pretty tanked, but I came to the sudden realization that being at JR's isn't nearly as fun when you're sober. And boys drunkenly sticking their tongues in your ear just isn't quite the same either. In fact, it's kind of gross and awkward.
I was supposed to meet this hot Hispanic boy I know at Tracks to do Ecstasy on Saturday night, but the guy who supplies all the tweaky little gay boys with their drugs didn't show up, so hot boy just wanted to stand in the corner and sulk the whole night.
I mean, I like drugs as much as the next addict, but get over it dude!
So then I saw this cutie I've been talking to a bit here and there for the past couple months. We started dancing and in less than 15 seconds I realized two things: he was wasted and he couldn't dance for shit. Seriously – he looked like a kid in junior high dancing. And he could barely focus his eyes on me.
Then my stalker found me. Those who keep up on my blog will remember him from last fall. The guy who wouldn't leave me alone and shaved his head because I had shaved my head. He's about 2-3 inches taller than me so he always looks down on me in this creepy way. And won't leave me the fuck alone. So that was intense and disturbing.
The one thing that made me happy was bumping into the guy I used to date who's now living out in the suburbs all happily coupled up and shit. He was really sweet and fed my ego by telling me how cute I am and how smart I am and how nice I am and so on. I really need to start spending more time with him.

At Monday's staff meeting our Managing Principal asked all the single guys to raise their hands. I immediately thought "Oh shit" and a light sweat broke out on my brow.
Cuz I totally love being singled out as single in a room full of married people.
It turns out that the producers of The Bachelor contacted my firm looking for a hot architect to be their next bachelor.
Three guys raised their hands – me, the new guy who's gay, and another new guy who is somewhere in his 50's and (I can only assume) gay too. Every other guy is married.

Lame. I really need a new job with single people. Coupled people are starting to freak me out.

Unfortunately, I don't have 1% body fat, I'm not rich, I'm not devastatingly good-looking (although I'm not a disgusting pig man or anything like that – just more boy-next-door cute), I'm not an architect, I don't shave every trace of hair off my body, and I like sexing up men so I suspect I'm not even remotely close to what they're looking for.
But the funny part is that the younger new guy submitted his info this morning. Is he trying to take down The Bachelor from the inside or something?
Wouldn't that be brilliant? You get selected, go through all that bullshit with all those desperate bitches, clean up on lots of free champagne and hot tubs and helicopter rides, then at the final rose ceremony have your boyfriend walk in and go down on him.
Yeah. I'd watch that. That's just good TV.

Monday after happy hour with the ladies (HI G. AND L.!!) at Double Daughters I went to meet a friend at this SHITHOLE on Broadway and Alameda.
Seriously, while I was standing there at the bar a urinal in the men's room overflowed and by the time I noticed I was standing in an inch of toilet water.
B. and I were flirting with this hottie who was there with his ugly girlfriend (who has scarlet fever - really). Apparently he's bi and always drags his poor ugly sick girlfriend to the gay bar so he can flirt with boys. He's all hot and tattooed and muscular and masculine, yet has a sensitive side - yum! He kept staring at us and told me I was hot, but that's just a little too skanky, even for MY taste.
Good times...

Last night I went to JR's to celebrate Fat Tuesday and I found a guy I liked a lot. He was really cute and sweet and it was his birthday (his 23rd – FUCK I'm old). We did some shots and started talking and then after about a half hour I found out he's dating Country Mouse. That's this guy I've known for years who thinks he owns JR's. Total douche bag. He worked at the same company with one of my ex-boyfriends. When we went to one of their company parties back in 2004 he was all pissy that I was there, being more handsome and charming than him – I can only assume. And he wore this lame red and black-checkered flannel shirt.
Stupid Country Mouse. I put my drinks on his tab. Heh heh.

Ooh – and on a completely separate happy note, The Amazing Race is back on.
The good old regular race without crying kids and perfectly happy families being destroyed and all that.
I love how everything is so stereotyped – the hippies, the gays, the glamazons, etc.
And it started in Denver out at Red Rocks! I love seeing my city on TV. I'm really proud of how beautiful it is, especially looking out from downtown towards Red Rocks with the mountains in the background. I had to laugh at how hard everyone was puffing running up the steps at Red Rocks. Denver really can be a bitch when it comes to altitude, but I can't remember how many times I've had to run up and down those stairs for beer at a concert. That's right – they make you walk all the way to the top. Probably to try to sober you up, or at least weed out the really wasted people who will trip and roll drunkenly down the steps.

I'm a little bummed because I went out and bought a new Razr cell phone last weekend in the desperate hope that it would somehow magically make TMobile service work in my apartment. Which it didn't. So I took it back this morning. Now I have to use my lame, shitty free phone again.
And now I have to go find a new service provider. And I'm lazy so that sucks.

Peace out!


Blogger Sven said...

First, uber-long post.

Second, why would anyone want to take down The Bachelor. I kinda equate it with someone being all, "Yo, I'm so gonna take down Arby's... from the inside."

12:41 PM  
Blogger denverboy said...

Are my posts too long?
Maybe I should break them up a bit - but I just have that stream of consciousness style of writing.

OK - now I'm starting to get a little pissy with my coworker. He's been walking around all day totally pretending that he's serious about this TV show thing, getting too much attention for it, etc. Have a little pride in yourself man - for christ's sake.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Kiddo78 said...

Well, at least you're meeting ppl! I need to get out more, I think, and meet new people with whom to hang out. Also, I'm digging the idea of the next Bachelor turning out to be a big nelly queen! Awesome...

8:04 PM  

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