the magnetic attraction between old ladies and my crotch

This morning on my way to work I had no less than three – THREE – late 50s- to 60-something women nestle themselves into my groin on the mall ride. Honestly – they really made themselves at home - got all cozy and warm, made frightening little purring sounds, etc.
I kept coughing into the hair of the first one (her head was roughly two inches from my face), hoping she would be disgusted and move away, but that didn't phase her at all. She smelled like my grandma used to. *shudder*
After she exited and her friend assumed the spooning position with me I tried shoving my messenger bag into her back, really trying to jab her with the sharp bits. But she loved the abuse.
By the time she exited and ANOTHER lonely woman stepped in to take her place I realized I had no choice but to go with the flow. So I bumped and grinded her saggy, flower skirt-covered ass until her post-menopausal needs were satisfied. When I do a job, I do it right.

Yep – you can now just think of me as an American gigolo for the blue-haired set. If your grandma is feeling a little lonely, have her give me a call....