Monday, February 06, 2006

the magnetic attraction between old ladies and my crotch

This morning on my way to work I had no less than three – THREE – late 50s- to 60-something women nestle themselves into my groin on the mall ride. Honestly – they really made themselves at home - got all cozy and warm, made frightening little purring sounds, etc.
I kept coughing into the hair of the first one (her head was roughly two inches from my face), hoping she would be disgusted and move away, but that didn't phase her at all. She smelled like my grandma used to. *shudder*
After she exited and her friend assumed the spooning position with me I tried shoving my messenger bag into her back, really trying to jab her with the sharp bits. But she loved the abuse.
By the time she exited and ANOTHER lonely woman stepped in to take her place I realized I had no choice but to go with the flow. So I bumped and grinded her saggy, flower skirt-covered ass until her post-menopausal needs were satisfied. When I do a job, I do it right.

Yep – you can now just think of me as an American gigolo for the blue-haired set. If your grandma is feeling a little lonely, have her give me a call....


Blogger Kiddo78 said...

THIS is kind of scaring me. Seriously. Well, glad to know I'm not the only one who shamelessly made out like a 14-yr-old in front of his building recently. 'Atta girl!!

4:47 PM  
Blogger VeryApeAZ said...

Public transportation sex is hot! :-P

9:36 PM  
Anonymous duane said...

I am SOOOO glad I drive now.

10:09 PM  
Blogger denverboy said...

Sheesh - I hear you!
One of my biggest incentives to get a new job is to get out of downtown so I can drive to work...

9:01 AM  
Blogger hot babe said...

I'm not getting the visual. Are you standing on the bus? Are they sitting? I want a drawing. Fly to Mpls to play Pictionary with me.

5:19 PM  
Blogger denverboy said...

Yeah - standing.
I always stand on the mall ride.
There are seats too, but homeless people live on those seats and I'm scared to death of not-quite-dry urine or crabs or god-knows-what-else.
"Hey Matt! How did you get crabs?"
"From the mall ride!"
"Uh-huh. Right..."

So there are these handicapped areas where 2-4 people can stand, and I was all scrunched in a corner of that area with the hotties' butts pressed up against my flesh!

5:22 PM  
Anonymous Jason said...

You just need to own this skill and use it for good not evil!!! :-)

6:00 PM  
Blogger Sven said...

I am so grossed out right now.

10:47 AM  

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