Wednesday, October 26, 2005

now with 40% more sass!

Grrr. I'm crabby today.
I'm super tired and a little hungover and so sore. Sore mostly from working out last night and then proceeding to fill my body with tequila, but still also a little bit from sex this weekend (hee hee - RAWR).

I blurrily got out of bed this morning (15 minutes late) and practically broke my toe on my bedside table.
And then Al Roker had to push me over the edge. Why is he such a douche? How in the hell did he ever get on the Today show? Really. I want to know.
He's such an idiot.
Then, right before I turned off the TV to head to work, I heard them say, "Coming up next: We look into why older men are interested in younger women."
Oh – for the love of….
Is this some sort of mystery? Something Today has to investigate? Uh – can I take a stab at it Katie?
Cuz their boobies are high and perky, they're not all wrinkly, you could bounce a quarter off their asses, and they want to ride you like a wet stallion all night long??

I'm so crabby.

I think there may be some sort of toxin leaking into my apartment that's putting me in this mood because Ernie just lay there in my closet this morning – listless. He's usually purring around in the bathroom while I'm getting ready and always comes running when I give him his breakfast (he's fat), but not today. And when I gave him a nudge with my foot to make sure he was still alive he gave me a little bite. Not a good day for feet.

I saw fuck buddy at the bar last night. He was on a date. When his date went to the bathroom we made out like two sailors whose ship is going down. I don't feel particularly bad about doing that. That's what a F.B. is for.
Evil P. was also there. G. offered to claw out his eyes, but I couldn't let her do it. He still may be of some use to us someday. Like if we're desperately poor and down on our luck and really need a haircut from a flaming, evil hair stylist. A fantastic haircut would be a slightly hard to pull off without eyes.

I'm eating yogurt, but I'm a little concerned because it only has a "sell by" date. No expiration date. How is that supposed to help me? How long can you eat yogurt after its "sell by" date? Jesus – maybe I'm slowly being poisoned by expired yogurt.

I have GOT to do my 2005 PDP – Professional Development Planning – today. It was due five weeks ago, and I think my HR person is about to have an aneurysm. For some reason I have a really hard time identifying "where your career is today in comparison to this time last year. Discuss how you've progressed in your career path."
Um…am I allowed to just say that my productivity is down approximately 25% while at the same time they're paying me 8% more than this time last year? Probably not. On the other hand, I've stopped taking Diet Pepsi's from the fridge without throwing some change into petty cash. Well, most of the time. OK, at least half the time. I count that as progress!
Some of these other categories are really hard too:
Inspiring – Ability to motivate people, champion great work, act as a role model and develop the contribution of others.
Entrepreneurial – Skills to build the business, create new opportunities, innovate, explore and take risks that create opportunity.

Oh dear. I count myself lucky on the days I make it here by 8:35, fully dressed, with teeth brushed and hair mussed in that perfect gay way.

I asked my buddy J. who works in our San Francisco office for some advice on how to address these serious issues and this was his feedback:
Inspiring: I am inspirational, because I bring joy to so many lonely boys in Denver.
Entrepreneurial: I find these boys on my own, with no help from anyone else.

8 Comments:

Blogger Matt S. said...

I hate those flippin year end reviews that they have you do just so they can say that the company cares about you. They drive me fucking nuts!

3:48 PM  
Blogger Sven said...

You're a goof!!!!

And Katie is sooooo more annoying than Al!

4:33 PM  
Blogger denverboy said...

No! I love cute lil' Katie!

Of course, not nearly as much as I love Matt...heh heh ah hah hah hee hee....
*drool....*

4:45 PM  
Blogger hot babe said...

I think those self-assessments are a joke. That's the one thing my supervisor has to do for me & I get stuck doing it. Bite me.

Yeah, what's wrong with Katie? But Matt lost me when he got the shitty hair buzz. There's nothing to hold on to.

"...we made out like two sailors whose ship is going down"- now that's some imagery. Gullick would be proud.

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Jason said...

I don't know how i feel about making out with F.B. while he is on a date....I hate to be that guy in the bathroom thinking to myself that the date is going well, all the time not knowing he is making out with someone downstairs. Hmm......

6:19 PM  
Blogger Kiddo78 said...

If that doesn't get you a raise and/or promotion, I don't know what will!

Yogurt is already rotten milk, basically, so it takes forever to truly go "bad." You just stir it up a little. Seriously. Home-Ec teacher said that.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Matt S. said...

Hey, I got your comment, I will be in Mpls this weekend. I will be there tomorrow night through Monday as well. I am going to visit my pregnant sister, so we will not be hitting the bars, but I am also going out with an old friend of mine there one night.

We had talked about going out on Saturday, I see that you have a wedding that night, but I think that is the only night my friend and I could make it work. Email me and let me know if you could maybe meet up later after he wedding for a drink.

7:45 AM  
Anonymous duane said...

"When his date went to the bathroom we made out like two sailors whose ship is going down."

Nice.

You are observing everything today! sounds like someone has a case of the mondays! LOL JK!

4:56 PM  

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