Friday, December 09, 2005


Yesterday my mall ride was amazing. I had no less than eight – EIGHT – really hot guys on the same bus as me, and I was ever-so-happy.
Today brought a reversal of fortune. Again, it was mostly men, but they all had moustaches and big guts and missing teeth and horrible, horrible clothes. And someone smelled like cheap cologne and B.O.
Oh well – I guess that's the crap shoot that is the mall ride.
However, for anyone who's wondering, the hot guys were riding around 7:45-7:50 a.m. and the dogs were riding around 8:20-8:25 a.m. FYI.

I camped out in front of the T.V. all night last night.
I watched Survivor and in a rare instance of actually caring what happens this season, I was screaming at the T.V. Cindy was given the choice of winning a car or letting the other four remaining players all win a car. To me, it seemed so obvious. I was like, "GIVE THEM THE CARS! GIVE THEM THE GODDAMN FUCKING CARS!!! AAAAAHHHHHH! THE CAAAAAAAAARS!"
And the stupid bitch didn't.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm selfish as can be. My own car was stolen over two years ago and I have been cursed with walking everywhere since. I would shit my pants and have a stroke if I ever won a car that gorgeous.
But this is Survivor you stupid bitch. You would have SO made it to the final three if you had played your cards right. But you're just a stupid bitch. See ya!
I want Danni to win. She's the shiz. And you could grate cheese on those abs.

Around 11:30 I decided to go to bed and have a little solo "Matt time," if you know what I mean. And I was just getting into it when the building's fire alarms went off. And they are extremely loud and disturbing. They actually have an alarm in every apartment that is so loud you would most likely suffer permanent hearing loss if you stood right next to it. So I jumped up, threw on clothes, and took a look into the hallway. Of course, like always when those piece of shit alarms go off, there was no real fire. The fucker went off for about another 20 minutes, and when it stopped I was wide awake and had completely lost my frisky self-abuse vibe. And just when I was slipping off to sleep again the fucker beeped twice. Then a half hour later it beeped four times. And THEN, around 2 a.m. it started going off AGAIN. I didn't even bother getting out of bed. I was praying for death by that point anyway. And I thought, "At least a fire will be warm, compared to the freezing temps outside."
Needless to say I survived, but I am a tired, cranky son of a bitch today.
I'm exhausted and I didn't even go out last night. Blimey!

All right. I'm off to lunch with G. at the Corner Bakery. I exhausted all my disposable income on a crazy Super Target shopping spree (and will have even less after lunch) so I'm going to see if I can get through the weekend with about $20.
I'm going to get cute guys to buy me alcoholic beverages. Yay! Matt hasn't had a drink since last weekend so I should be a cheap drunk.
That has got to be the first time the words "Matt," "cheap" and "drunk" have ever been used in the same sentence. Heh heh.


Blogger Matt S. said...

Funny, because "Matt" "Cheap" and "Drunk" seem to be said about me often. Oh, and add "Easy" in there for good measure.

I was so glad Cindy got eliminated last night, dumb bitch shouldn't have kept he car.

12:31 PM  
Anonymous duane said...

WTF is up the fire alarms? I remember in college, our fire alarm went off at like 3am once, and it was literally snowing outside (for NC, that is rare and cold!). My friend Amy managed to bring down all of her photo albums, you know, just in case.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Bored at work and stumbled across your blog. Pretty funny. I agree with your shuttle observations. I ride it every day to commute to work.

5:11 PM  
Blogger denverboy said...

Hey Barney Boy -
How did you stumble across my blog?
You work in downtown Denver?
I could write the hugest blog entry EVER about how much I hate the mall ride. I've been riding it for three years morning, noon, and night and it is one of my most hated arch-enemies!

3:14 PM  

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