denver shenanigans

I hope you miss me too

2007-03-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been checked out when it comes to writing, or really using my brain at all, lately, but I was reading my good friend hotbabe’s blog and saw her “I hope you miss me” entry. I’m going to steal her idea and jot down brief life highlights:

1. I went to Vegas at the beginning of February. I love that fucking place. I won $60 at the slots, sat outside in the sunny 70-something degree weather, went dancing at a couple gay clubs, ate at the $30 buffet at the Tropicana, went to a Louie Anderson comedy show (don’t EVEN give me shit about that), got laid (and NO, not by a hooker), saw a guy get killed, and only slept about two hours in almost three days.

2. Yes, I really saw a guy get killed. Around 4:30 a.m. on Saturday morning me and two of my buds saw a guy get hit by a car at about 40 m.p.h. He flew right out of his shoes. His friend hysterically tried to perform CPR on him, but to no avail.

3. The moment I got back from Vegas I got sick as a dog. I’m talking “stay at home and silently sob for days” sick. I’d guess approximately 90% of my office got sick as a dog in February. I don’t know what kind of hellish virus that was, but it was goddamn brutal. HR finally assigned a can of Clorox wipes to every pod and we were instructed to wipe down everything. My pod got Fresh scent!

4. I am now happily rededicated to my job. Don’t ask me how it happened, because I don’t exactly know. It sure beats wanting to kill yourself every day from 8-5, though.

5. I’ve started to see someone new very recently, but I’m still keeping McNeighbor on speed dial.

6. I went to a Nuggets game on Tuesday night and fell in love with one of the players. Now I’m consumed with figuring out how I can get a job in the Nuggets locker room.

7. It’s a sad feeling to realize that when you’re 31 and a really hot 21-year-old likes you and keeps hitting on you, that you have to gently push him away and just not go there. Because you don’t want to be THAT guy. And yet…

8. This year I will be getting back roughly $70 in State and Federal taxes. Last year I got well over ten times that. Sometimes I hate being a single man. Very rarely…but sometimes.

9. I got a Sonicare toothbrush for Christmas and it rocks. I don’t know what I was thinking using a regular, Stone-Age toothbrush for so long. The only problem is I’ve walked into my bathroom and caught Ernie licking it three times in the past couple of weeks. Gross.

10. Spring is finally in the air – we’ve got temps in the 60s and 70s for at least the next week and there’s a time change this weekend.
Ahhhhhh – we survived, Denverites!

my life

2007-01-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

My life seems to be going pretty well right now.
Just in case you were wondering.
I had a major case of the blues from Sunday through yesterday, but I guess that's to be expected, what with my normal manic-depressiveness and Denver's never-ending, snow-filled winter. Seriously – I know winter is supposed to be cold and snowy and just a general pain in the ass, but this is getting goddamn fucking ridiculous. It snows every weekend. EVERY WEEKEND. Bitches.

I'd like to tell you all that I'm dating the art teacher, but I haven't actually seen him since New Year's Eve day. And I don't think that really constitutes the typical definition of dating. Plus, we've never spent quality time together outside of the bar or my bed. Hmmm - I guess in a way, that is my typical definition of dating.

Yesterday I left work a little early to go to the gym and clean my apartment, and after showering and having a couple of bowls of cereal I sat down on the couch with a glass of wine to enjoy a nice, cozy evening at home with Grey's Anatomy. But then I got a random text message from a guy I've met a couple of times. He's a friend of a friend. I had forgotten I gave him my number a few weeks back - he lives in my neighborhood and we once drunkenly agreed that we should get together sometime at our friendly neighborhood bar for a beer. So we met at 9:00 and had some beers (and some tequila for me) and I decided to invite him back to my place, since it was just across the street and all. He was being really cute and shy, which works really well for him because he's also quite manly and muscle-y and the combo is fierce. His forearms are BURLY. I was just eating it up. Oh – and get this: he works for some mysterious government agency and he had to keep all details about his job very vague or else he'd have to kill me. HOT! SO eating it up.
I couldn't help but jump his bones. And it was good. I mean really good. Like, I can't stop thinking about him today good. Like, it isn't bothering me at all that I only got a little over three hours sleep good. Like, I sound like a fucking Yoplait commercial and I really couldn't care less good.
Thinking back on our conversation I do seem to remember him saying he's a Republican. Whatev. Who gives a shit about politics when the sex is amazing and the forearms are burly?

Oh – here's a funny, yet painful, side story. When I was getting ready to go meet him I walked right into my bed frame. You know, right into that supporting part with the wheel? MOTHERFUCKER. I swear I broke my poor middle toe. I started jumping around and screaming and carrying on, but I didn't have time to dwell on it because I was running late. So after me and C. did our thing and right after he left I happened to look at my foot and my toes were all bloody. Isn't that disgusting? I'm deformed.
One time I slept with a guy who obviously hadn't cut his toenails in about seventeen years and while we were having sex he slashed my foot with his big toe – only I didn't realize what had happened at first and my foot bled all over his expensive sheets. And then he had the nerve to get pissy with me about it. Freaky-ass long-toenail boy!

Anyway, work is absolutely crazy right now. Actually, it's been this way for months. It seems like I've always got at least ten to twenty projects swirling around. Coordinating everything has become such a bitch. Especially on sleepy days like today.
Hey – I guess the economy, at least in Denver, must really be improving. It has to be if everyone is building and remodeling.

I got the freakiest call from my mom last Friday. She had that bad news tone in her voice (god I hate that tone), and she told me that poor little Hailey had pneumonia in both lungs and she was most likely going to have to be flown to Sioux Falls. I totally fucking panicked and couldn't bring myself to work or sleep or socialize in any way and kept calling my sister over and over and over. I just can't handle worrying like that. There's no way I can ever, EVER have a kid. Uh-uh. No way. Not if I want to stay sane.
Everything turned out OK, though. By Saturday she was already doing much better on antibiotics and nebulizer treatments and didn't have to fly out after all. Thank god. I love that kid so much. She's such a little trooper.

In just a little over a week I'm going to Vegas! Me and six of my closest gay buds. I've never been to Vegas before.
Gee - I sure hope there aren't going to be any negative influences or ways to get into trouble there...
Maybe I can find a chick who wants to get married! Quickie Vegas marriage – yeah! My mother would be so happy…

when r u going to stick it?

2006-12-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

There is a certain someone I've mentioned before in this blog. I obviously don't want to write his name, since I don't even put the names of my dearest friends on here, so let's just call him…Satan.

The first couple of years I lived in Denver were not exactly the easiest years for me. I was in a strange new city with very few close friends, I was just about as poor as I could be and still be alive, my life and all my free time were consumed with graduate school and teaching and working as a coffee monkey, and for the first two years I lived in shitholes.
I could never do that again.
But at the time I didn't really know how challenging my life was. I was just coming out and it was exciting. Every time I went to a gay bar or talked to one of my two gay friends about things I was going through I felt like I was embarking on a new and exciting adventure. Embarking on my life.
But I was also terribly naïve. I didn’t comprehend how evil some gay boys can be. Evil just for the sake of being evil.

I met Satan one night at Charlie's my third year in Denver. It was at the point in my life where I was comfortable going to gay bars to hook up, but it was rare that I would actually know anybody or talk to anybody. He hit on me and we went over to the Wrangler and were making out within about ten seconds. I went back to his place, and we had the most amazing physical chemistry. He was one of the best looking and sexy guys I had ever hooked up with.

In the following months and years he proceeded to systematically treat me like a piece of dog shit. I was so stupid. Some nights he would talk to me, some nights he would ignore me, some nights he would insult me, some nights he would grab me by my package. He would tell me to meet him at his place after bar-close and then would just leave me sitting alone on his front steps chain-smoking Camel Light after Camel Light until I gave up and went home. He would dirty dance with me at the club, get me totally turned on, and then leave the club without telling me as soon as I went to the bathroom or to get another drink. He would ask me to meet him at the bar the day after we had hooked up and then show up holding hands with another guy.
I still have never figured out why he picked me to torture or why all the random cruelness was necessary, but once I had him out of my system I never looked back.
Well, not much.
Becoming friends with G. right around that same time helped a lot because she was the only other person other than me who understood how truly evil and black his soul was. And she would slap some fucking sense into me if my eyes so much as happened to meet his.

Of course I still see him out from time to time, but he gets no more than a head nod from me. I'm not going to scratch his eyes out or anything, but if anyone is looking for a late Christmas present for me that would be a lovely thought.
A couple weekends ago I met some buds at Broadway's for drinks and saw him there. I even stopped by his table and actually said "hi" to the son of a bitch. He asked me for my number. And instead of scratching his eyes out or throwing a drink in his face or doing something LOGICAL, I gave him my goddamn number. I am seriously so stupid it's not even funny.

Then he sent me a text message the night the first blizzard started:

Satan: Get over here
Me: *something about there being a major blizzard outside*
Satan: Im worth it trust
Me: *I have no idea*
Satan: Cause u know u want some booty
Me: *I have no idea*
Satan: K lets get together unless u have someone
Me: *I have no idea*
Satan: I have, ur scared lol i still love love u
Me: *something about not being able to get around in the blizzard*
Satan: Ur suv ? dont u live in Denver? U hot man

By that point I was in bed, asleep.

The messages I sent him are no longer in my cell phone, and I was totally drunk and stoned that night, so I can't remember exactly what my responses to his messages were.

And then just about an hour ago:
Satan: When r u going to stick it?

Does he seriously think he's being cute or clever or sexy?
When r u going to stick it???
Jesus. It sounds like a bad Prince song or something.

Years have passed since we slept together. I'm way better in bed, I'm way better looking, and I'm WAY more confident and aware of the rules.
And way more humble, obviously.

So I know – forget about it, right? I know he's not worth a moment of my time. And he's definitely not worth an entry on my blog.
But I am thinking about it. Fucking him one more time on my terms and then never speaking to him again. Or maybe fucking him and then saying something completely insulting to him. Or fucking him and then spreading a nasty, vicious rumor about him. Something – anything – to put a concrete end to that ridiculous chapter in my life.

Plus…he is fucking hot.

i'm lonely and i stink

2006-12-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

The blizzard has officially shut down most of Denver. I think there are about five people left in my office – everyone else has already left. This is truly a day not fit for man nor beast nor architect. The only people who choose to stay at work during a blizzard are those who are way too crazy busy to concern themselves with getting home alive, those who are so lame that a free afternoon means nothing to them so they might as well just stay at work and let the clock run down on their pathetic lives, or those like me who have only about 2.45 hours of Paid Time Off saved up and can't afford to leave early.

I had to reschedule my flight. There was no way I was getting out of here tomorrow morning. Luckily, United had one seat left on the flight to Aberdeen on Saturday morning, and they were also able to move my return date from Tuesday to Thursday. After I threw a little cash at the problem, that is. So all's well that ends well, I guess.

Except that I was standing in my shower for about two minutes this morning waiting for the hot water to come, and I waited…and waited…and waited – and then it got even colder. I screamed "FUCK" so loudly that Ernie ran and hid under the bed.
You see, I cannot begin a workday without a long, hot shower. Just don't fuck with my motherfucking shower motherfucker. So I stared at myself disbelievingly in the mirror for a minute or so, and then finally accepted that it just wasn't going to happen.

I really only have three major pet peeves in this world: hair in my food; no hot shower in the morning; and dumb but hot straight men who strut around as if they're god's gift.

It really sucks because my brain was prepared to check out for a week as of 5:00 today, and now I'm stuck here for the rest of the week. And what am I supposed to do tonight with a blizzard going on? I can't go have my xmas present exchange/dinner with G. I can't go grab a frosty brew at JR's with the boys. I can't even invite a super cute boy to brave the elements to spend some cozy cuddly time with me because I stink. Unless anyone out there happens to be into that…heh heh.

this ain't got nothin' to do with jebus

2006-12-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have nothing funny to write about. I have nothing bittersweet to write about. I have nothing heartbreaking to write about.
Man…I'm totally dry.
Scraping the bottom of the barrel.
There's got to be something interesting to say about my life…

OK – I'm going to try to focus and come up with a holiday post, even if it does turn out a bit random and pointless:

First up, my health: I bitch a lot when I'm sick, but that's because I'm a man and also a bit of a mama's boy. And, I also honestly have been sick since the beginning of October. First I had a huge, nasty cold, then the stomach flu, and then Thanksgiving week I caught another cold. Except this one didn't go away on its own. Finally last Friday I dragged myself to the doctor and was diagnosed with a sinus infection. I've never had a sinus infection before - at least not that I know of. So the doc hooked me up with Azithromycin and Duratuss and I’m feeling like a brand-new man. Snot-free! Yeah! Suck it sinus infection!
Gross.

Xmas shopping: I was pretty much broke and down to my last couple of dollars until I received my bonus last Friday. As soon as it was in the old bank account I started spending as if there's no tomorrow. Saturday was supposed to be all about xmas shopping for my family, and by the end of the day I had spent about $80 on them and $400 on me. I'm telling you, though, I have got some sick new shoes and shirts and even some hot new porn. It just doesn't get much better than that.

Travel plans: I fly back to Aberdeen on Thursday morning. And of course the weather is supposed to turn to shit here tonight through Thursday afternoon, and there are also supposedly going to be ice storms in South Dakota.
I'm flying in one of those little La Bamba airplanes.
Pray for Mojo.

Boys: Halloween boy is long gone. He was way too earnest and silly and would too often respond to things I said with a resounding "YAY!"
Yay?
YAY???
I'm sorry, but I don't think so.
BU-BYE.
As of right now, honestly, my feelings are torn between two people. One is a guy I just met two weekends ago. We talked all Friday night at JR's, and then I took him home. I haven't seen him in person since then, but we talk on the phone a lot.
Pluses: He's an art teacher currently attending grad school.
Minuses: He's a POOR art teacher currently attending grad school who is temporarily living with his parents.
The other guy is a really good friend who I can't seem to completely resolve my feelings for. Every month that goes by I seem to feel more confused.
I mean, he's my friend.
But we did hook up twice earlier this year.
But he's my FRIEND.
I invited him to go to the Colorado Symphony with me and he invited me to go to an Avalanche game with him. I introduced him to all my friends and he introduced me to all his friends.
I don't know – I think if we're going to stay tight as friends we need to stay away from any and all sexual situations from now on. Even though the guy gives head like gangbusters.
And, after all, I need good friends way more than I need pissy, lame ex-boyfriends.

T.V.: Right now I'm into Season Two of Gilmore Girls and Season One of Grey's Anatomy. They're both so goddamn cozy I can't stand it.

Social activities: Busy, busy, busy. 'Tis the season. I've been to a lot of holiday parties and such. Last weekend I had two on Saturday night. Tonight I'm having sushi with my three best gay buds – one of which I mentioned above. Tomorrow night I'm having dinner and exchanging presents with G.
I always feel like I've got to get as much socializing and partying done as possible before heading to S.D.
As if there is a vacuum of fun there. Which isn't true. It's just a different type of fun. Sober, wholesome family fun.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

fun with silly e-mails

2006-11-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

(i.e. I should be busy working, but L. is WAY more entertaining than writing architectural case studies)
(i.i.e. the extraordinary healing power of my e-mails)

The last e-mail I received today was at 11:12 a.m. I haven't received another e-mail since then. Interesting e-mails make life worth living. They break up the monotony that is my work life.

Please, please god – let me receive an e-mail soon.
Like now.
Or…right now.
Nothing.
Why has god abandoned me?

Let me revisit a recent e-mail exchange with L.:

Matt: Are you feeling better today? I hope it wasn't my cold you caught! Especially because I still feel like ass two weeks later...

L: i feel better, but not great. i don't think it's your nasty cold...feels more like a mild form of the flu. either way, i don't want to be sick!!!

guess what? that boy from *** (who we met at the art show) isn't you know what! i had my friend get the scoop and she said she thinks he actually has a thing for the blondie we were talking with for awhile. bummer, huh? so now i feel like he may have been flirting with me and not you when he was showing us his piece...er, um, his art piece of course.

it's difficult with both of us being so attractive because it's hard to tell who's being hit on by who. :)

Matt: DANG. I guess the old gaydar was off on that little cutie. Funny...I was pretty sure. Still, with those young ones you can never really be sure. Seems like kids will sleep with anything these days.

I've been thinking about that *** guy who used to work here that we met at the show. He wasn't my usual type, but I loved his dry sense of humor and his accent. And the fact that he despised *** when he worked here. I couldn't get a clear reading on him, though. He kept touching me when he would walk by, and then he asked for my card so he could e-mail me.

God, I'm so desperate and pathetic and hungry for love!

And it IS a very heavy burden that we have to carry. Everyone wishes they could be hot and charming and stylish, but they don't realize how much work it actually can be on a day-to-day basis...

L: touché my hot-a$$ friend.

and i think you should just email *** instead of waiting on him to touch you...i mean get in touch with you. say something like, 'it was great meeting you and i was serious about you letting me know if you ever are in need of some marketing expertise, or anything else for that matter.'

Matt: Good idea! I only got his bro's business card, though, not his. Still, I could probably look it up online. And then maybe we could have gay babies???

OMG - I totally forgot to tell you what happened this morning. I was meeting with *** and *** to prepare for the big masterplanning conference we're hosting next week, and I opened up my Lab Book to take some notes (the one I used at the marketing conference we went to).
And of course I opened it right up to the page where I had written Matt + C.J. inside a big heart, with that "Do you want to hump? Yes/No" thing at the bottom.
I know they both looked right at it because we were standing around one of those big white pod thingies, but they just sort of glanced at each other and neither said anything. Embarrassing!!!

L: cj's going to ruin your life and he doesn't even know about it! your emails are making me laugh, which is making me feel much better, so thanks.

Matt: OH NO! My love for C.J. is going to end up completely destroying me!!
Damn his tall, dark good looks and festive red polo shirt that shows off his burly forearms!!!

L: but let's not forget about his bad black frankenstein shoes and pleated khaki pants...or are we supposed to forget about those ugly little details so he lives forever in our minds as the hottie we needed him to be for us that day???

Matt: Ahhh - no!
I'd finally just gotten myself to forget about those damn pleats!
I HAVE to, dammit!

sake-t to me baby

2006-11-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

OK – I'm way, way too busy at work right now to be wasting time on a post, but I could use the therapeutic release.
(Heh heh – I sound REALLY important, right? OHH! Look at me – I'm Mr. Busy Marketing Guy! Out of my way suckas!)

Anyway, first I've got a few comments on miscellaneous mass media topics:

* I love, love, love Thirty Rock. It is ever-so-amazing and I would switch teams for Tina Fey. Well, I least want to be her best friend and have tickle-fights with her.

* I love, love, love Borat. I haven't ever laughed that hard at a movie. I want to naked-wrestle Borat!

* I went to see Running With Scissors which is one of my favorite books.
I almost puked in horror. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible and a total disservice to the book.
Read the book. Don't gaze directly at the movie.

* One of my absolute favorite people ever has died – Ed Bradley. Seriously – I've always dreamed about who I'd want to interview me if I would ever become famous and there are really only two people: Barbara Walters or Ed Bradley. And now Mr. Bradley is gone. And Barbara ain't no spring chicken so I better hurry up and become famous or else it's stupid Diane Sawyer for me.

Work has been absolutely crazy for the past few weeks. Three major proposals were handed off to me last Thursday, and of course I promptly woke up with a virulent stomach flu on Friday morning.
Of course, being the stud that I am, I valiantly attempted to come into work anyway – "No…time…to…be…sick! Must…get….to………..WORK!" – but by 11:00 I realized I am just a normal man after all and dragged my sick ass back home. And I got sick as a dog. It was nas-tay. I was so sad and felt so sorry for myself. No one to take care of poor, dehydrated Matt, who couldn't even bear to take a sip of water. And there was nothing on T.V. at 7:00 except for "Mama's Family," which actually isn't that bad of a show. And Bubba is hot and his package is huge.

I came into work on Sunday to start catching up and it feels like I haven't left since, except for brief periods to get a few hours of sleep.
Then my mom called me crying on Monday. My mom has only called me crying three times: once when my grandma died; once when my grandpa died; and the first year I lived in Denver when she had to have my childhood dog put to sleep. Turns out my parents' dog is full of cancer and has stopped eating. He's only six and he's the best dog ever. Poor little Einstein.

So last night I had no choice but to go out to Sushi Sasa with L. and drink tons and tons of hot sake and big, huge Japanese beers. And I have to say – it snapped me out of my funk!
Well, at least until I got into work this morning and was attacked by a pack of Principals with a whole new round of work for me.

what in the hell is the deal with matt???

2006-10-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

That seems like a valid question to lead off this post.
Well, I decided about a month ago to end the blog.
I had multiple reasons for my decision, but was having trouble writing the final entry and just letting go.
Since the last time I posted until about twenty minutes ago I've had absolutely no desire at all to write or post. None.

I will say that life has felt pretty tough and gnarly almost all of October. There's not one overall reason I can point to, although going to a family member's funeral doesn't exactly tend to brighten up your month. I think a hyperawareness of death has caused me to want to retreat into my own private world, while at the same time my social schedule has been very full the past few weeks so I've had to suck it up and get my antisocial ass out there in the world.
Also, the cold I caught almost a month ago has really hung in there in my chest. I still sometimes have gravelly, sexy sick-man voice. And lots of nasty morning phlegm. *HACK*

But!
Since about a week and a half ago I've felt better than I've felt in a LONG time. Again, no one overall reason, but it's a big relief. So…here are some random updates:

Halloween has been awesome. Two Fridays ago I went to a haunted house and got fucking freaked out. I am no good with haunted houses. Even mildly cheesy ones.
Last week my office decorated Halloween cookies for Project Angel Heart. I think I'm going to start volunteering for them on a more regular basis.
Last Thursday I went to a pumpkin carving party, where L. and I collaborated on the craziest goddamn pumpkin you've ever seen. And yet somehow we won second place! She's also a marketer so we attributed our win to our ability to market anything – even a sketchy, crazy-ass pumpkin.
And then on Saturday I went to a big gay Halloween party. I was Will Ferrell from the "More Cowbell" SNL sketch. I looked hot.
I'm not sure what tonight holds. I'm meeting some folks at Steubens for a drink, then maybe hitting the Uptown Tavern. But I'm not getting dressed up in my costume again. That moment has come and gone.

La Salsa on 17th & Stout closed without warning. I'm really not prepared to live my life without the possibility of La Salsa for lunch at least three times a week. I know there is at least one more La Salsa somewhere out there in the Denver-metro area, but that really doesn't do me a whole lot of good.

I've just started spending time with someone who I think I could potentially like a whole lot. He falls into my usual pattern of dating guys way younger than me, but he seems really mature and put together and…well, I'm not going to get ahead of myself here.
He invited me to his place on Saturday night after the bar had closed, and the poor guy had had WAY too much to drink. So he started puking about every five minutes. I eventually got him quieted down and tucked into bed and went home alone at around 4 a.m. Still, I find it quite encouraging that I viewed the whole situation in a very light-hearted, caretaking kind of way instead of being totally annoyed and disgusted by it.

I had another strange situation occur with a guy I just met a couple weeks ago. We were introduced at a party, and he just kept staring at me. It took me about two minutes to figure out he totally has a crush on me. And he seems really nice, but here's the thing: his face looks EXACTLY like my cousin's wife's face. They're identical. And that is just too fucking weird.

Daylight savings is bullshit.

I'm going to early voting tomorrow. I've never voted outside of a presidential election before, but there are a couple issues on the ballot that could seriously affect my life as a gay man. Even if it seems extremely unlikely at this point in my life, there is a chance that I'll be in a domestic partnership someday.

up and down and up and down

2006-10-05T12:21:00.000-06:00

Up: Having sex with the hot neighbor two Saturdays ago.

Down: Finding out he came down with a cold on Sunday. By Thursday afternoon coming down with it myself.

Up: Hitting the road to S.D. on Friday. Four-day weekend baby!!!

Down: Driving across Nebraska.

Up: Listening to the new Scissor Sisters and Justin Timberlake CDs about five times each. Favorites: "Paul McCartney," "The Other Side" and "LoveStoned."

Down: Kicking off five consecutive nights of getting approximately two hours of sleep per night on Friday night.

Up: Going to the college homecoming parade with my niece on Saturday morning. She likes to get her groove on when the marching bands go by.

Down: Mixing an unwise amount of DayQuil and margs on Saturday afternoon/evening and ending up an unresponsive lump on the couch watching hours and hours of The History of Drugs on the History Channel. Love that shit. People were fucked up back in the day.

Up: Waking up to the most beautiful fall day ever on Sunday.

Down: Spending the day with my grandpa in the nursing home, seeing how badly he had deteriorated since I'd been home in July.

Up: Having my niece bring a ray of sunshine into my grandpa's room when she arrived. Having her tell me I'm her best friend (cut to my extremely jealous mom). I AM really entertaining to be around. Well, at least if you're four.

Down: The drive back on Monday. Eleven of the most excruciating hours of my life. First time I've ever pulled off the road to try to sleep. I couldn't.

Up: Getting home alive!

Down: Finding out on Tuesday morning that my grandpa had died during the night.

Up: My parents offering to pay for me to fly directly into Aberdeen for the funeral. And that wasn't cheap.

Down: A disappointing Creative Marketing Seminar at the Adams Mark on Tuesday. Totally for sales-type marketers. And the coffee was terrible.

Up: Getting to hang with L. at the seminar all day. Mocking the fugly attendees and the overly-perky/non-politically correct presenters, having lunch with wine at Maggiano's, and skipping the pointless final session to drink beers and play darts at the Supreme Court.

Down: Having to come back to the office after the beers because I'm so far behind on work.

Up: Finally getting back to the gym yesterday and sweating out all the sickness, stress, DayQuil residue, etc.

Down: Having to choose between the Project Runway reunion show and the season premiere of Lost. Lost won.

Up: The hot neighbor coming over at 10:00 with Mike's Cranberry Lemonades (??) and his hot, hot body.

Draw: Another night of far too little sleep…but I didn't once think about work or funerals or the fact that I wasn't sleeping!

random thoughts after the lunch hour

2006-09-25T15:11:00.000-06:00

Hello – I obviously haven't been in the mood to write lately, but the good old blog has been gathering a lot of cobwebs so I'll try to rattle off a few thoughts.

There's some crazy shizz going on outside my office building right now. Lots and lots of fire trucks and cop cars and even dudes in Hazmat suits. Rumor is that someone received a suspicious letter/package on the 27th floor.
So lame.
Anthrax is so 2001.

I had forgotten how a hot, crazy, hardcore sex session can work your muscles like nothing else. I work out three times a week and after having sex all Saturday night my legs are so outrageously sore I can barely walk.
Heh heh.
Of course I'm not expecting any pity here.
But I can't help but wonder…if I had a boyfriend who was as good at sex as this guy would I have the most unbelievably buff legs EVER??
I'm going to keep almost every detail of this little rendezvous totally secret, but I just have to spill one little tidbit. Guess who it was with? The guy who heard me baby-talking to my cat! Ha – score one for pet baby-talkers everywhere!!!

I'm digging fall so much, but it always seems to be gorgeous during the week and then cold on the weekends. Like every weekend for the past month. It's bullshit.
Although yesterday actually turned out to be pretty nice, and I sat outside the REI Starbucks and drank green tea and massaged my sore legs and kept watch for hot bicycle riders' asses in tight stretchy shorts.
I'm driving home on Friday for a long weekend, and I'm excited to see diverse foliage. All the leaves here just turn gold.

Well, fall TV has begun and so far everything is pretty good. I watched The Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives last night and they were entertaining. Last week I watched Studio 60 and really liked it a lot. Even though I always violently hated Matthew Perry on Friends I liked him in this show. I think Survivor has been totally lame so far – and that has nothing to do with the whole race thing. It's just boring. I purposely stayed at home last Wednesday instead of going to meet a bud for a drink, only to have Bravo air repeats of Project Runway.
For shame Project Runway.
For shame.

Has anyone else seen any other must-see TV shows?

There's a chance I might get to attend some sort of an early preview breakfast at the new Denver Art Museum tomorrow. A coworker of mine is a member and if her friend has to go to jury duty, I'm in! Otherwise I'll have to wait until October 7th like everyone else to check it out.
And I really do prefer to get special treatment.

addiction and annoying gym couples

2006-09-05T12:00:00.000-06:00

I'm addicted to watching T.V. shows on DVD. I spend a lot of time thinking about my beloved shows and exactly when I'll have the chance to watch another episode. Sometimes I'll be out partying with my friends and I'll excuse myself early in the evening because I can hear the siren song of my stories. Currently, I feel the most stress when I can't get my fix because some asshole has checked out the DVD I need. At the moment I'm watching Project Runway – Season Two, and I just finished up the second season of Nip/Tuck.
Brilliant!
But I haven't been able to get my hands on season three of Nip/Tuck or discs three and four of Project Runway. I even signed up for Blockbuster online in an attempt to expedite the whole process.
OK – so in my queue I put the first two discs of Nip/Tuck, In Her Shoes (totally, totally gay, but so satisfying – any movie that opens with "Stupid Girl" and stars Shirley McLaine is an instant classic in my book) and Lemony Snicket (beautifully shot, but lame - Jim Carrey ruined the whole thing. If I wanted to see Ace Ventura all over again I'd have rented that instead). You can only have three movies at a time so of course what did they send me? The two movies and DISC TWO of Nip/Tuck.
Huh? I mean, I'm sure it's all automated, but WTF??
So now I'm in hell because I'm sitting on disc two, but I can't watch it because I have to watch the first three episodes first.
Honestly – Blockbuster online is the most heinous villain since Hitler.

On another topic - I can finally say - with all humbleness - that my semi-obsessive gym attendance appears to FINALLY be paying off. I had decided a year ago to seriously up my cardio and also to make a half-assed attempt at cutting down on shitty foods and alcohol. And I actually have lost ten pounds since last fall, although when I look at myself naked in the mirror it's hard for me to tell if my body has visibly changed. The one place I can definitely tell I've lost weight is in my face (unfortunately, double chins and love handles appear to be part of my genetic code).
I figure if I can lose about another five pounds I can be satisfied with myself. After all, there's got to be a little something to grab onto, right??
I mean, if I were straight – god forbid - I'd probably be married with three kids and topping 215 pounds at this point in my life.

I was at the gym on Sunday afternoon and the cutest fucking couple I've ever seen in t-shirts and spandex sauntered in. They were both gorgeous and had 1% body fat and were perfectly coiffed and had asses of steel. I was seriously mesmerized by the guy's perfect ass and calves and the girl's rock-hard boobs. If they're not having the hottest sex ever, there is something seriously wrong with them.
But of course they had to be douchebags. Nobody that beautiful can possibly be cool. I almost had a stroke when the guy would take a break from his weight lifting to walk up to the girl doing her elliptical and give her a little kiss. You've got to be fucking kidding me, right? I made a disgusted sound, but every sound coming out of my mouth probably sounds disgusting when I'm working out, and they didn't notice. And what were they watching on T.V. (cranked to an ear-splitting level, of course)? Animal Planet. Freaks. They thought it was just so cute and kept laughing and laughing at the antics of the little wolves, or whatever they were. And then when I looked over at the T.V. I saw a big wolf dragging an antelope carcass across the prairie.
Jesus. I made a disgusted sound. The beautiful people didn't notice.

Why am I so disgusted by people in love? Why do I want to run them down with my Camry? It's got to just be one of those things - like how you hate small children until you have one or how you want to gouge out your eyes every time you see a pair of Crocs until you actually wear them.
Just kidding. I will never wear a pair of Crocs.

All right - here is one more little random weekend story. P. had about ten gay boys over to his new condo on Saturday evening to check it out. I had met everybody there before except for one guy who showed up around 9:00. And I definitely thought he was the cutest. He was kind of a slender guy with black hair and funky glasses and an amazing smile. He also had a cool belt. We were talking for about a half hour and I really kind of started to have the feelings for him, and then I made the mistake of asking him what year he was born.
1987.
Yep – 1987.
In 1987 I was twelve.
I'm sorry, but I just don't think I can justify screwing around with someone who's barely legal…can I? And just to make it a little more difficult I found out from one of my buds that this kid thinks I'm cute. Blimey!
I can't do it. I just can't.
But, of course, now I'm obsessed with it.

downtown landmines

2006-08-24T12:14:00.000-06:00

Watch out if you happen to be walking around downtown Denver this afternoon my friends.

For starters, the D.A.R.E. table is out on the Mall. I had assumed that D.A.R.E. had gone the way of Hypercolor t-shirts and Saved By the Bell except for those super cool people who still wear the t-shirt in an ironic way that had its day back in the 90's, but I was oh-so-wrong. And let me tell you – the D.A.R.E. of 2006 is aggressive. These days D.A.R.E. screams at you to come over to their sad little table. I managed to completely avoid them today on my lunch break, but a few weeks ago I wasn't so lucky when I was walking home and came upon them stationed outside Office Depot.

D.A.R.E. Girl: Hey – come over here!

(I turn up my iPod)

D.A.R.E. Girl: HELLO – sir! Do you have a moment to stop by our table?

Me: No, I couldn't possibly. I actually like to do drugs.

D.A.R.E. Girl: Ha - that's OK! Come on over!

Me: No, seriously, I try to get kids hooked on drugs.

D.A.R.E. Girl: Oh you! Come here silly!!!

OK – I actually didn't say that I get kids hooked on drugs, but I did say the first part and it didn't faze her a bit. Not one bit. Crazy anti-drug bitch.

Today there are also crazed packs of teenagers with wicked-looking forms randomly stopping people on the Mall for god-knows-what reason. I was avoiding the packs like live landmines. I saw one guy trapped in the middle of the Mall curled up on a chair with a dazed look on his face surrounded by five kids. Poor bastard. He never had a chance.
Two girls snagged me in front of Republic Plaza. I pretended to be a busy business executive (hey – its' not a total stretch of the imagination) – I furrowed my brow intensely, glanced at my watch, and barked out "I'm on my way to an important business meeting!"

Heh heh. Burly.

notes from the weekend

2006-08-15T16:49:00.000-06:00

At around 8:00 on Friday night I knew I wasn't in the mood to go out. I was just tired and crabby and feeling antisocial, but during lunch that day with my buds we agreed to meet up at a bar on Broadway between 9:00 and 9:30, so I felt obligated to go out for at least a drink. They never showed up. Or called or texted to tell me they weren't going to be showing up. Which did very little to improve my mood.

Luckily, I can always count on B. to meet me for a few hundred drinks at any sort of bar, because he's just fucking cool like that. So I texted him up real nice, and he came and saved me from my loser-ness. I was SO over it at that point though, and when I looked at my watch and saw it was only 11:00 and I felt like I was going to punch someone in the neck any second I figured I better get myself home.

Saturday I tried to lighten up a little bit. I met G. for brunch at Snooze - a cool new breakfast place downtown. I really liked it a lot. Good prices, big mugs of coffee, great mimosas. Afterwards I went and bought some happiness at SuperTarget. I'm always amazed - there are just so many good-looking men there on Saturday afternoon. Gay, straight, whatev. I feel turned-on the whole time I’m there. And slightly flushed from all the low, low prices…

While I was shopping the boy called and asked if I wanted to go to the Eagle with him and a couple friends that night. I was really excited, but also a little apprehensive due to the fact that the Eagle has this whole leather dress-policy thing I'd heard people talk about. You can wear certain things, can't wear other things, etc. And in case you don't know me, I'm not exactly the burly leather type. Well, I like to believe that I'm a little burly, but I'm not really into chains and testicle separators and stuff. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I could maybe get into cock rings.
Maybe.

So I went to meet them and passed dress code – ha – and I actually really liked the place a lot. It's a cool space, everyone is really laid back, and you can actually carry on a conversation without ear-piercing, thumping music drowning everything out. I was feeling happier, I looked semi-burly, and I was with a cute guy who intrigues me and has great conversation skills. Everything was looking up. Then around 1:00 I went to the bathroom, and I was looking in the mirror pushing up my glasses when – SNAP. They completely disintegrated. The left side completely snapped off, loosening the left lens piece, throwing the whole system out of whack. All I could do was stare blankly at the wreckage and try to figure out my next move. Could I possibly do a McGyver fix-up??
It was just so strange. It was the last thing I expected to happen. And I'm useless without my glasses. The boy told me to just go blind, but Matt minus his glasses in a dark club plus guys wandering around in buttless chaps = potential for DISASTER. So I had to leave. I honestly looked like I was a special needs guy - in my big silly boots with crazy broken glasses. Ugh, what a nightmare. So that REALLY put me off my good mood.

I only have one pair of disposable, one-day wear contacts left so I'm wearing my old glasses. Which suck. I look like such a hoser. And of course, every.single.goddamn.person I've come into contact with has had to comment on them.

"Ohh – I love your new glasses!"
"Ohh – you got new glasses!"
"Something looks different – are those new glasses?"
"Hey you – I'm noticing your glasses!"

I am so annoyed by it. I don't want to be wearing these glasses and I don't want everybody to feel the need to say something about my motherfucking old, old, OLD glasses. Just leave it alone bitches!

On the bright side, I bought a new pair yesterday over lunch. Something I probably should have done at least a year ago. Right now the jury is still out on whether it will be possible to temporarily fix my broken ones so I can stop feeling like everyone is staring at me.

matt stops by starbucks on a sleepy friday morning

2006-08-11T14:18:00.000-06:00

Matt: May I please get a grande drip with room?

Barista: Oh, um – sorry! Our coffee brewers aren't working this morning so we don't have any regular coffee.
(she makes a pouty face, then brightens)
Can we get you an Americano instead??

Matt: Mmmm – I don't really want an Americano. Let's see…you probably don't have iced coffee brewed either…?

Barista: Yes we do! Do you want a grande iced coffee?!

Matt: Yeah.
(holds out $2, which covers a grande drip.)

Matt: Can I assume I'll get the grande iced coffee for the price of a normal grande coffee, since you didn't have what I wanted?

Barista: No, we don't have the regular coffee today! Sorry!

Matt: Yes – I understand, but since you can't give me the regular coffee I wanted I'm not going to have to pay more for the iced coffee, right?

Barista: OK, your iced coffee is going to be $2.22 with tax!

Matt: Uh-huh, but a grande drip is under $2 with tax. I only brought $2 with me.

(pause)

Barista: I LIKE coffee!

Matt: Ugh. Here's my credit card.

Barista: Alrighty - you have a great day sir, mm-kay?!!

Matt: *sigh*
(slow burn)

The end.

the indestructible budding gay relationship

2006-08-10T14:24:00.000-06:00

I have a little crush on someone.
However, I refuse to get my hopes up regarding the situation. I'm going to be as realistic and grounded and as "expect-the-least" as I can be. Not because I'm a total pessimistic asshole (well, sometimes I am), but what's the point in getting your hopes up time after time only to have them repeatedly dashed against the many potential craggy obstacles to gay romance?
(if you're onto my gig, you know what I mean)

Plus, our road to romance has been a little rough so far. I've been aware of him for quite a while, but we were first introduced to each other around six months ago. Then he sent me a random e-vite through connexions for his birthday party last winter. It was a big party at a fabulous gay couples' house packed with gay men. I tried to get his attention and spend some time with him, but didn't really have the chance. He was busy mingling with all his friends, so I entertained myself by enjoying the open bar and the hot bartender.

I can't remember exactly when it happened, but one Sunday night last spring he had been at the beer bust all afternoon and was being silly drunk and asked if he could kiss me and I said go for it. He was definitely in the top 10% of people I've kissed (no comments from the peanut gallery on that one).
But that led to nothing, except for a little chit-chat here and there when we'd see each other out.

But then about a month ago we bumped into each other and hung out on a Friday night, and I gave him a ride home and he invited me in. Before we knew it, it was 5:30 in the morning, and he told me that he always wakes up at 7:00 a.m. no matter what time he goes to bed, so I got the hell out of there. Even though I kind of wanted to stay.

We had a few semi-awkward run-ins over the next couple weeks, but no follow-up. Last Saturday night we started texting back and forth. He was at JR's, but I wasn't in the mood. I told him I was going to the Wrangler.
I don't know why, but I started flirting and getting cozy with some random Army guy.
I don't know why.
Because I can, I guess. Then I felt someone tap my shoulder, I turned around, and it was him. I know we don't owe each other anything, but I felt really guilty. Like a little kid with my hands in the camouflage cookie jar. And to make it worse, he left almost immediately, and then sent me a text telling me I looked really good that night. Ouch.

I've tried to make amends. I've invited him to go out with my Bahamas ladies and I two Fridays from now. And then he was nice enough to offer to make me dinner at his new place sometime.
So maybe we're on the track to something good.
Or maybe I'm crazy.

Is this budding relationship going to boom or bust? It's hard to say.

Anyway, moving on - one of my biggest gross-out pet peeves – maybe THE biggest – is finding a hair in my food. I can't stand it and can rarely bring myself to eat food from the offender ever again. I have already lost Jimmy John's and Sugar Beat to my peeve. And I seriously used to eat at Sugar Beat at least three times a week.
Today I found a short and curly in my Quizno's. So, basically, I'm fucked. I'm running out of places to eat that I enjoy.
Seriously – if Falafel King and Chipotle let me down I MAY starve to death.

But whatev.
I am still in a downright good mood today! I don't know why. If anyone has been waiting to ask me for a favor, today is the day my friends!

PS – That was just an expression. I'd rather not be asked for favors, thank you.

I appreciate your cooperation.

XXOO

the weekend

2006-08-02T11:42:00.000-06:00

My parents came into town on Thursday and left Sunday morning. So for four days I was either at work or on the go with the rents. I'm still exhausted.

Thursday night we had dinner at Il Fornaio in LoDo. I had never been there before, and it was really tasty. My mom is so cute – she was convinced our flamingly gay, middle-aged waiter had a crush on her. I didn't have the heart to correct her and tell her he was giving me the old slutty eye. Seriously – every time this guy opened his mouth a purse fell out.

Friday night we went to the Country Dinner Playhouse. OK – if you've never been, and you happen to be in the Denver metro area, you should seriously check it out. It's a trip, I'm telling you. It's this strange mix of down-home quaintness (complete with checkered tablecloths and low, red-tinted lighting), elaborate singing and dancing numbers, and the shittiest buffet this side of the Mississippi. But you can drink a lot and it just gets more and more fun as the night goes on. Especially when it dawns on you that almost everyone there under the age of 50 is a gay guy (well, all three of us who were under 50).
Our waiter was part of the show, so he got us our drinks, then ran off and did some jazz hands, fab-U-lous, Liza-with-a-Z shit, then came back and got us more drinks, and so on. Then the main show started – on this particular night the show was an ode to big band numbers – and I soon realized I had a huge crush one of the performers. According to his bio he's a dancer who moved here from Boston and… I don't know. I think I want to have gay babies with him. So there I am with mom and pop, halfway blitzed on cheap wine, mouth hanging open staring at this CUTIE.
And I don't have anything else to say about that. It was awesome.

Saturday morning we went to Colorado Mills to do some shopping. Every time I picked something up, or even so much as looked at something, my mom had to buy it for me. Now, I'm not complaining, mind you, but what exactly is the age where you should start feeling embarrassed about your parents not allowing you to pay for anything at all? Seriously – they bought all my meals, drinks, everything that happened to enter my field of vision at the mall, we had a little shopping spree at the liquor store, and they even got me a silly oil change!
Like I already said, I'm not complaining but sheesh…freeload much Matt?

That night we went to the Rockies game. I have to say, that was just about as lit as I've been in front of my parents in as long as I can remember. From what I recollect I consumed: seven $6 beers; a bag of sunflower seeds; half a bag of peanuts; a gross hot dog (I MUST have been really drunk to eat that); some nachos; and Dippin' Dots. I'd never had Dippin' Dots before, and I'm afraid to say they were quite disappointing. I'm sorry, but I expected more. Christ – I had the worst gut-rot the next day. After the game I made sure my parents got back to their hotel in one piece, then I walked home up the Mall, and fell onto my couch, too wiped to go out and meet the boys for a late-night drink, even though they kept texting and texting and TEXTING.

I met my parents for breakfast on Sunday morning and then they hit the road. I decided I wanted to be as non-productive with my day as possible, so I started off by going to the park to catch some rays. I ended up bumping into and lying out with this guy I hooked up with a few months ago. We were lying out for about an hour, and we were sweating our asses off because it was hot as a crotch this weekend, so he asked if I wanted to go take a cool shower, and yada yada yada – it was the best shower I've taken in a LONG time. I'm sorry, but if there's anything better than fooling around in a cool shower on a blisteringly hot day with a burly man I don't know what it is.

After that silliness, I had just enough time to run home and change before L. and two of our friends from the Bahamas wedding picked me up to see The Devil Wears Prada. I thought it was great. I mean, I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane or anything. I just had a few good laughs and LOVED Meryl Streep.
Then I grabbed a couple tequila shots at JR's and flirted with all the drunk beer bust boys before hitting the sack nice and early.
Lovely.

a wednesday post

2006-07-26T12:31:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't been blogging much lately. I just haven't been in the mood. But I acknowledge that I really hate when my favorite bloggers get lazy and I click on their blogs day after day in a fruitless attempt to find something new and entertaining.
Right Joe?

Of course, I'm being egotistical to the point that I'm assuming some people out there consider me one of their favorite bloggers.
RAWR.

Since work has been delightfully busy and I haven't had time to write the past few weeks, I'm just going to do a quick, lazy-ass, no-main-theme, random post:

OK – I'm determined not to dwell on it, but I really hate men. Seriously. Things have begun to change a bit in my head over the past few months, and I guess I've just started to expect a little more from them. Or maybe just want a little more from my interactions with them.
The problem is that they didn't get the memo.

So last weekend I decided to just enjoy the company of my friends and a few shots of tequila and just let nature take its course. No worries.
Friday night I had a great time, met a couple cool new people, whatev.
However, on Saturday night my libido kicked in. That always gets me into trouble. Well, lately, gets me downright frustrated. Anyway, I was with my two buds and one of them introduced me to an acquaintance of his. My two buds eventually left, and me and the acquaintance kept hanging out. He was a really interesting guy – and friggin' cute – AND single, but recently went through a break-up. So we got to know each other and even filthy-talked a little bit, but he was clear about the fact that he wasn't completely over his ex. And I was fine with that. I mean, at least he was nice and smart and fun to talk to. And seemingly had feelings. But then, when he was leaving, he gave me a hug goodbye, felt my stomach, and said, "Oh. You have a gut."
Yep.
I don't think he could have said anything else at that moment that would have sucked more. I'm so hypersensitive about my gut right now. I know it's stupid and irrational and there are so many more important things to worry about in this short life but…what can I say? It hurt my feelings.
I went home and collapsed on my bed and stared at the ceiling. A torrential downpour outside would have been a nice touch, but I can still manage to wallow in dry weather.

Well, this weekend I’m not going to be dwelling on douchebag men because my parents are going to be in town. I really like when my parents come to town, especially because they don't stay with me. We get to do a lot of shopping, good eating, sight-seeing, maybe take in a show or baseball game or whatever. Nice and easy.

I've restructured my reality show viewing while my favs are on hiatus. You know what I'm watching now? Project Runway and Big Brother. I've never watched either of them before. Big Bro is OK, I guess. Kind of slow and pointless. Good-looking people though! OMG – Howie's nipples alone are reason enough to watch. Project Runway seems pretty sweet. I'd always heard a lot of good things about it. Plus it seems to be constantly running on either Bravo or NBC, so I figure it'll be pretty hard to miss an episode.

I really meant to see a lot of movies this summer. I even have a list of the ones I want to see: The Devil Wears Prada, Superman, Strangers with Candy, and a couple others. I almost went to see Superman alone on Sunday night, but then decided to stay home and drink a bottle of wine and feel sorry for myself. I'm supposed to be going to The Devil Wears Prada with L. and the Bahamas girls on Sunday. That should be pretty funny.

I was sick as a DOG last week. Monday I came down with some sort of psycho chest cold, and by Friday it had totally morphed into the nastiest head cold in recorded history. And unfortunately I had this lame presentation skills conference to attend all day Friday at the Hyatt. I totally felt like death warmed over and could barely focus my eyes and silence the pounding in my head, let alone learn something. The only joy of my day was freaking out the poor sucker sitting next to me with my constant coughing and sneezing and sniffling and blowing of my nose. And getting La Salsa for lunch.

Well, I think that's about enough for now. I really do have a ton of work to do, so I better get back to it. Then I have to go home and clean up my place real sparkly-like for the parents. Then meet P. for a couple drinks on a patio somewhere.

Hope everyone is doing well.

my bullshit weekend

2006-07-18T15:23:00.000-06:00

I had high hopes for my weekend. But everything seemed to turn out all wrong.

Friday:
On my way to work I bumped into the hot guy from my building. We've hung out a couple times since he overheard me baby-talking to my cat last spring, and I do believe we've gotten past the awkwardness of it. I even gave him a ride home from the bar one night, although nothing happened. He said he would call me to meet up somewhere that night. I, of course, was giddy.

While I was getting ready to go out that night I got a text from an acquaintance whom I spent some time with two weekends ago. We even had a quasi-date (that was actually caused by me accidentally pulling a "leave-behind" of my watch on his bedroom floor) last week that strictly involved talking and getting to know each other and no hanky-panky. The text asked me what I was up to, if I wanted to hang out, blah blah blah. I, of course, was giddy.
At that point I had two quality prospects!

When I got to the bar I find out from my buddy that the text I had received had been a cheesy group text message. I never heard from my neighbor.
Cut to me sitting alone in front of my T.V. at 3 a.m.

Saturday:
I was invited to a pub crawl by one of my friends. It started late-afternoon. Now, I foolishly assumed that pub crawl meant traveling from one air-conditioned bar to the next and getting pleasantly drunk. Turns out it meant taking a walking tour of LoDo in 105 degree heat and stopping for one drink in the first couple of hours. I was stunned. And sober. And sweaty as hell.

But I felt a little better when a guy I'd spent most of Pride Sunday hanging out with texted me asking what I was up to. I said I needed a cold drink and he said to meet him at the Wrangler. So I did, and then spent over an hour watching him shamelessly flirt with someone else while basically ignoring me. And I did see one really good-looking guy standing by himself, but was too shy to approach him…or maybe at that point my spirit was broken?

Sunday:
Determined to end my weekend without the distraction and stress of any more gay bullshit I did some reading in the park, worked out super hard, and then met one of my straight buddies at Gov's Park for dinner. Our waitress was one of those super-friendly, jolly types who actually sits down with you, chit-chats, has a few laughs, etc.
That is she WAS, until I complained about the chicken on my pomegranate chicken salad. It was disgusting. It was completely overcooked and looked like an autopsy. You couldn't even poke a fork through it.
Seriously – she switched on her cold, pissed-off bitch personality immediately. She angrily yanked the plate away and ignored us the rest of the time we were there, even when our beers had been empty for 20 minutes. She only stopped by again to drop off the bill. PSYCHO.
So, in an attempt to salvage the last shreds of my lame-ass, pathetic weekend I went home and put in the Nip/Tuck DVD I had just rented that afternoon. It immediately started freezing and skipping.
That was it.
I gave up and went to bed at 9:00.

TA-DA! Matt's bullshit weekend!

snack time!

2006-07-07T11:36:00.000-06:00

Jesus christ.
At about 11:00 my blood sugar level completely bottomed out, but instead of going for something really bad for my love handles I decided to eat some pea pods.
The bag says "Washed & Ready to Eat Stringless Sugar Snap Peas – A Preservative Free Naturally Sweet Snack."
Well. I think they're just a little full of themselves.
And son of a bitch if I didn't almost choke on one – seriously – and then bite THE HELL out of my lip while chewing on another.

I think I'm going to have Steak Escape complete with greasy fries for lunch.
Just to be on the safe side.

yo!

2006-07-05T10:36:00.000-06:00

Hey all – I haven't been around for over a week now because I've been out cruising around this great country of ours. And - if I ever express the desire to take a road trip ever again I want someone to hold me down and slap some goddamn sense into me.
JESUS.
I don't think I'll be able to get into a car again for at least another six months.
Especially since I almost hit a deer AND a cat and about 6,000 pheasants and some douche literally came within feet of decimating me in South Dakota and I had to drive through five separate torrential downpours on Interstate 80 yesterday and almost hydroplaned myself into oblivion.
FUCKSTICK.

I'm hoping I'll be able to get Hello working again because I have some really cute pictures of Pride weekend and also some goddamn ADORABLE pictures of my niece. Although I only realized last night after I'd gotten home that I didn't take a single pic of the two of us together.
Anyway, she'll be four in September and she is just the best person I've ever interacted with. She's just a little lovebug, but still has a bit of my family's trademark sassmouth which makes her fun and not too lovey-cheesy.

So Barney alerted me to the fact that Get Real Denver linked to me. Sweet! Now I'll have to keep my eye out more than ever for those crazy Real World kids. And I'll try to write something a little more juicy than "Duh – I walked by the hot Real World guy. Duuuuh."
I'll try to grab his ass!
Mm-kay?

PS – It was just my bday so be sure to send me many happy bday wishes please.
And buy me a tequila shot if you happen to be in Denver!
*Muah!*

ramblings

2006-06-23T12:10:00.000-06:00

I started my Pride celebration last night. Crazy JR's/tequila/cheap beer fest.
You know, everyone claims that once you turn 30 you can't quite party the way you used to. I haven't necessarily found that to be true.
I have found, however, that I don't like feeling useless the next day at work anymore. I mean, I'm tired, a little cranky, everything is a little blurry and confusing – but I don't have a headache or feel sick or anything. I just can't get motivated to do anything. That "day-after" feeling is just the same as it was when I was 22, but these days I feel like I have too many responsibilities and get paid too much to act like a sloth at work. So I guess THAT'S how I've changed.
Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to be keeping me home on Thursday nights.

I was bummed at seeing my ex last night. We get along really well and are still friends, but apparently now he's disgustingly in love with someone.
I am so fucking evil. I don't even feel happy for him – I just feel all grossed out and bitter. I can't imagine ever being in a serious, long-term relationship with someone and then having a really terrible break-up - be it divorce or whatever. I think I now understand why you are more likely to be murdered by someone you know. My ex said to me last night, "Why do you keep running away from us?" referring to him and his "committed life partner" or whatever, and then he proceeded to suck on his face two seconds later a foot away from my face. Then I ran away.

I hope I get some action this weekend, but for the past three years I've always hooked up on Saturday night, which is fun, but then you get maybe two hours of sleep and then have to seriously motivate yourself to spend the whole day frying in the park. Three years ago my buddy J. and I got wasted at the Wave (??? – gay boys actually used to go there???) and then drunkenly pigged-out at a 7-11 and then went back to his place and had wild crazy sex. And we're still good friends. In fact, I'm meeting him for lunch today.
Two years ago I was at JR's with G. and saw this cute guy standing at the bar by himself. I went up, introduced myself, and we went back to his place. The pros of that night: he had a SUPER CUTE dog – a Boston terrier I think - and a lot of good booze. The cons of that night: he got wasted and was super lazy in bed and then snored louder than anyone I've ever heard in my life except for my uncle, whose snores have registered at the same decibel level as a locomotive. I don't think I slept a wink that night. It was INSANE.
Last year I had a boyfriend. That was the best of all. I wasn't desperate and weird and wasted and wildly looking for ass. I was happy and content. I had someone to spend the whole weekend with. From morning until night.
I miss that.

thank you for your support

2006-06-22T12:12:00.000-06:00

Hey there loyal readers.
I just wanted to post a quick message to say I haven't had time to sit down and write much lately. Obviously.
Also, my "Hello" (image posting program) somehow got completely fucked up, and I haven't been able to post images since the moth extravaganza.
Sucks.
But I actually have had some interesting things going on in my life, and the next couple of weeks should be extra-rad, so stay tuned.
Also, we have a bunch of firm Principals in our Denver office from all over the world right now, and every single one of them is obsessed with immediately hooking up their laptop and sucking up all of our internet power, so I'm not even sure if I'll be able to successfully post this.
On the bright side, one of the Principals is from London and he's super cute and his accent makes me giddy. Damn - there's nothing sexier than a British accent.
And he's sitting right next to me!
Excuse me, I must go flirt with him now…

this is the true story...

2006-06-18T14:44:00.000-06:00

Even though it seems like everyone is talking about it, I really hadn't been pulled into the tizzy of The Real World coming to Denver. Yeah, I think it's good publicity for the city and all – if you call a bunch of good-looking people getting wasted and having ridiculous fights and sitting in hot tubs and slutting it up good publicity, that is – but I'd rather play it cool and pretend like I could care less.
You know – cuz I'm too cool for school??
But I was walking home up the 16th St. Mall on Friday afternoon around 5:30, and when I was crossing the street at 16th & Lawrence I suddenly noticed two cameras coming my way. They were following a very good-looking blond guy and some brown-haired mousy girl I paid about a nanosecond of attention to. I think it was the gay guy who's supposedly going to work at JR's. I smiled at him and he smiled at me.
And that's it.
That's my brush with Real World fame.
And it was way more exciting than I thought it would be! I am no longer too cool for school.

So I immediately texted my friend in Kansas City to tell him the news:
Me: I just saw the crew from The Real World following the gay boy! He was so hot!
T: I know this boy!
Me: What?
T: Yeah – my friend in Denver met him.
Me: Wow – really? I really want to see the house where they're living!
T: Supposed to party with him when I'm in Denver next weekend – at some after party at a church.

Hmmm – so T. is coming to Denver on Pride weekend and is tentatively planning on partying with the hot gay Real World guy.
Granted, at the Church – bleh – but whatev. Could be interesting…

i love my mom

2006-06-15T12:58:00.000-06:00

My mom is so cute. But she just doesn't quite get me or my Simpsons-heavy sense of humor. We're currently having an awesome e-mail exchange.
BTW - I'm totally goofy right now from too many tequila shots at Lime last night and the fact that it's my bonus day today. I'm rich! Rich as an astronaut!!!

She sent me an e-mail with a link that's supposed to show me something. But it doesn't. At least as far as I can tell. So I wrote her back.

Me: I have no idea what I'm supposed to see in this e-mail...

Mom: Must be that tequila - click on the link, wait for a second and then
enter your birthdate. With bloodstone's e-mail, you have to click on
the attachment several times in a row.

Me: bloodstone?? Gross!

Mom: I guess I don't know what you mean.

Me: Who put what in the where now??

Mom: I don't remember seeing anything like that.

Me: My cat's breath smells like cat food...

Oh, and my sister was also cc'd on this whole exchange. Her response?

Sis: Ok Ralph.

LOVES IT!

I haven't gotten a response to my last e-mail.
Mom must be sick of my shenanigans.
Ha - it only took 30 years!

moth-watch 2006

2006-06-14T15:28:00.000-06:00

Everything is cool.
A woman in the next pod came over and killed the moth with a broom.

HOORAY!!!